im in such a bad place right now :(( it’s like everyday, a new memory, a new thought, a new doubt, a new false memory, a new what if, a new theme. i swear i’ve gone through all the themes already. im just so TIRED of being tormented from every angle that ocd has. i just want to feel better and i want my life back. i used to be so happy but now i can’t enjoy life anymore. i have to lock my self away in my bathroom at family gatherings cause i cant control my panic attacks. i cant go to my friend’s house cause i’ll get intrusive thoughts about her baby brother. it’s so scary and so tiring. i know this isn’t me, this is not who i am. im so scared and i feel so alone. i just wanna go back to normal. i don’t want ocd throwing every single curveball at me that it has. i live everyday in fear of another theme popping up

You’re not alone we all go through it .. you got my support 100%

I really recommend Mark Freeman's videos on dealing with uncertainty as a generalised thing and on treating all worries, OCD or not, in the same by taking control of the ways you mentally respond, like how much time you spend thinking about them. Otherwise you'll always want to ruminate just in case it's not an OCD, or even just because the urge to ruminate is so strong. Response prevention really does work. But you have to be really aware of what not to do and hardcore redirect your attention. For me, my themes cycle the way you're describing much more if I am doing sneaky self-reassurance/fighting with threatening possibilities in the background of my mind (i.e. for a few minutes whenever it pops up in the day). I swat one down and another pops up. Refusing to comfort myself that way, and instead just focusing on something more important to me in a positive way (like a hobby or project), stops that whack-a-mole from happening nearly so much. OCD can only ruin your relationships and your life with your consent. Doing the behaviours (not ruminating, being deliberately present for others etc) of someone who doesn't have the urges to obsess, eventually stops your brain from sending you urges to obsess. If you treat all themes (and in fact all worries in general) the same by noticing and refusing your urges to do mental compulsions, you don't need to live in fear of new themes, they stop being threatening. By not doing compulsions and your brain discovering that you didn't die or hurt someone, you gradually start to feel so much more safe in the world. You can survive spikes in anxiety. Just don't do the compulsions even when you're dying to. You have all of us.

Yeah I have this, everyday dislike i subconsciously search for things in my past that I did or looked at that could make me a bad person. But I just try and ignore it and think regardless it's gone now What I've began to notice is as soon as I have everything under control my mind will seek for something else