Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
starry duckstarry duck
- Date posted
- 5y
Ugh, Igy!! I feel like admiring them is a sign or something. Society has sexualized the women figure for centuries so that has contributed it to it. But I'm honestly scared that I'm just lying to myself when I say admiring someone's figure smh.
starry duckstarry duck
- Date posted
- 5y
to it***
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@stars The idea of that meaning I want to be with a woman is literally nausea inducing? I hate all of this
starry duckstarry duck
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Me too I literally don't want to but it feels like i'm just lying to myself
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@stars Same here. And then my brain finds a billion other thinks to be like this plus this equals lesbian in denial
starry duckstarry duck
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Yep, there's just so much evidence :/ And I can't even talk to my friends regardless of gender without disturbing thoughts. Like if I talk to a guy andnI don't like him back, I'll get thoughts. And if I talk to a girl, I'll get thoughts about crushing.
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
You have to confirm your worst fear to get better, eventually. I used to get nightmares about having sex with men (I'm a lesbian) that had brought me to the point of seriously considering ending my life. But I had to let myself sit in it. I've graphically detailed everything, feeling as if I'm going to pass out just by sheer thought of everything, but after ~20 sessions I am even scared of sex with men less than I was pre-OCD.
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
I felt horrific afterwards, I still begged to die, but eventually it passed.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel like I’m at my wit’s end. And sex has been so hard because of all of this, I feel like I can’t go on. I find reasons everyday to think I’m gay and it’s so exhausting. You’re giving me hope, though. I know the only way out is through and I’m trying right now. But something triggered it tonight. I thought about how I have trouble orgasming, don’t always like kissing, etc. and suddenly I had a panic attack. I hate ocd. Thank you for the encouragement
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Not to mention that I don’t like abs, which ocd loves to throw in my face. It’s like I lose my identity every day, which I’m sure you relate to. It really does suck
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X Sorry I really let it all out there, it has been a very difficult day
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X That's fine. Venting can be helpful. I know losing your identity sucks. I believe in you though. The key to this is accepting the uncertainty. Even if you were gay, sure, you can still date men. Being gay doesn't kill off all the men in the world. It doesn't matter who you are, you can do whatever you want.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@fenna Thank you. I’m so terrified of a doomed relationship with my fiancé. But you’re right. How long did you do erp before you really noticed change?
ｆｅｎｎａ ｆｅｎｎａ
- Date posted
- 5y
@Yikes1000X I was doing it on my own, so for a good few months, nearly daily. I still have to keep at it otherwise I can feel everything creeping back at me.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@fenna I just want to have sex free of fears. I’ve had this since we started dating so the whole sex anxiety has been a spicy addition to this already crippling obsession. I’m excited though to reach where you are, able to face even the scariest things. I have started, but I feel like I’m going too easy on myself and offering myself too many outs when I get afraid
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