Flooded by thoughts tonight. I can’t sleep. I’m so ashamed and anxious about how I think and what I’ve done. I’m terrified I’m a narcissist or sociopath and I bet anyone that sees me always posting about it is tired of it. But I can’t help it. Well I can... but recovery is just so scary. I’m especially thinking about the fact that I get embarrassed by people right now. And the fact that I care too much about popularity. Whilst I know I value my friends, I also know I have this horrible part of me that is ashamed to be seen with some of them. A part I wish to rip out. It feels like proof I am my worst fears. I care and have sympathy for people. I feel guilty. I can empathise with emotions and I’m overall (hopefully) not an awful human. People I know tell me I’m a good one. But I’m just so scared that I’m narcissist. I’m so flooded with doubt and anxiety. I saw a few articles a couple weeks ago claiming how this one fictional character was actually a clear narcissist or sociopath. And in his story, he too gets embarrassed by people and thinks too much about popularity. Since seeing the title of those articles, I’ve thought and spiralled about it everyday since. I am so scared. So ashamed. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be here if I’m a bad person.

"Pure" OCD

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

You are NOT a bad person. It is normal to want to be liked and be popular, but these thoughts are ocd and nothing more than that. I would also like to say that popularity seems like a dream, but it is much better to have close friends that are true friends. Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Ocd likes to attach itself to things that are important to us. Being a good person is important to you. Just because a fictional character is one way does not mean that you are also that way. You are so loved and valued, and you are here for a reason!!! Please do not be discouraged. Always here if you need a friend ?

garden

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much for your kindness. It means the world ?? I just pray I am a normal person. I don’t want to be someone who lacks empathy, and that’s why the whole fictional character thing was so terrifying, because it was PROOF. I’m just trying to get by day by day. Thank you for reminding me to not be discouraged ?

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@garden Of course! There are always things that we can work on within ourselves, but maybe you could look back at your life and think of all the situations that you did have empathy as comfort. I will be praying for you as well ❤️

garden

Date posted: 5y

@erikaxo Yeah. I know I have empathy. Even today I cried over a man who died from police brutality. I know I’m capable of this, and always have been. I just hate the parts of me that prove I am bad. They make me feel so shit. So undeserving of everything. And, maybe I’m overreacting, but they often make me feel a little suicidal. I don’t want to live if I am a narcissist or sociopath. I just can’t.

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@garden Aw please don’t give up. You are so loved by so many people, and you were put here for a reason. I’m so sorry. Lately I’ve been feeling similar things too, so you’re not alone! I am sure you are an awesome person. ❤️ Always here if you need a friend

garden

Date posted: 5y

@erikaxo Thank you :) I hope things change for us

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond