I can’t get through my wedding with all this evidence swirling in my head. If I’m gay, I’ve betrayed him deeply. I don’t know what to do, this anxiety is making me think I should just run away instead of hurting him. I really don’t want to ruin things but I’m terrified sex will never get better, we will never get better, I will only like sex with a woman, etc. I’m supposed to be getting married. This sucks.

I want that too. But all my mind wants to say is you’re turned on by boobs not abs. Sex is hard. You’ve never orgasmed. This relationship is a lie. End it now. I feel so overwhelmed I want to puke

@wellwellwell marriage is so much deeper than just the sex

@princess??‍♀️ I know. But I want good sex with him. I want to be turned on by being with him. But this could be me wishing I wasn’t gay.

@wellwellwell ur sex wasn’t good ?

@princess??‍♀️ I mean he’s the only guy I’ve ever been with and I get really anxious during. I’ve had this since we started having sex. We’ve had no problems when we just fooled around. I’m terrified. I can’t orgasm with him. I’m literally horrified

@wellwellwell I’m terrified because it’s never been mind blowing like people always talk about, which is probably a sign?

@wellwellwell but forget the sex for now, how do u feel when ur around him ? how did u feel when u first started crushing on him

@princess??‍♀️ It was insane, I needed to be around him constantly and it felt amazing.

@wellwellwell I don’t wanna reassure you because ocd always finds something new to take as “evidence”. But you are meant to be with him. I don’t know if you believe in God, but he has created u guys for each others. If you were gay you would have never gotten the feelings you did around him. I can’t really understand or help u with the sex part because Im a virgin lol, but I think it is something you can work on with communication. Communicate about what you like, learn what he likes, and work on it. The passion is there, not everything is about sex trust me

@princess??‍♀️ Thank you. I hope you find some peace too. This disease is the worst.

@wellwellwell I know it really is :( I’m still 16 so I’m scared I might discover something in college or something

@princess??‍♀️ I got it at your age and not to reassure but it didn’t happen to me.

@wellwellwell Thanks :)

@wellwellwell you’ve had it for several years ?

@princess??‍♀️ 5

@wellwellwell ah im sorry about that. u never seeked therapy ?

@princess??‍♀️ I did, but it was never OCD specific. I just saw a therapist and went on meds but never sought treatment for my ocd specifically because I only had access to a reg. Therapist

@wellwellwell ahh

Thank you so much❤️ I’m rooting for you too

that’s so sweet ?and i completely agree ! how are u doing ?