- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
People fantasize about all sorts of things. Some of which are normalized in culture, others that tend to be taboo. When I was a teenage boy, I fantasized about women both near my age and far older. I’d say almost everyone could agree. And someone’s porn habits aren’t necessarily indicative of real world desires. There’s a ten year gap between me and my partner. Our age is immaterial to our relationship, but she has said she didn’t want to date someone her age because she generally found them to be less mature or focused in life. That doesn’t mean that every younger man isn’t mature or focused, just what she was particularly interested in. I just happened to fall in love with her. She’s 23 and I’m 34.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't watch porn anymore anyway (probably avoidance bc of OCD) but as a teenager I did fantasise about older men, hence why I watched the categories I did. OCD makes me feel guilty for it even though it's fine as long as everyone is over 18 which in porn they are. I mean, I would still date an older man for the same reasons your girlfriend stated. I don't like that OCD turns things into something their not and that OCD is torturing me over this :( But thanks I appreciate your insight, its helped.
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Any time! If you analyze or ruminate on anything it can be a source of anxiety. It’s the nature of the disorder we live with. It’s super common for many younger women to be interested in older men. And that interest doesn’t necessarily mean you’d pursue it in real life. I had apprehensions about dating someone younger than me—I even talked with my therapist about it—but decided she made me happy and there was no reason to not be with someone I love just because there’s social expectations about what constitutes an acceptable relationship. She’s an adult and so I am.
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thankyou, I really appreciate it. If I never had the themes of OCD I've been dealing with in my early 20s, I would never have looked back at my teenage years and even given it a second thought. I would have just taken it as a phase teenagers go through or a phase I went though, but ofc OCD wants to analyse it and dissect it and find out what it means about my person and if it means anything bad about me. Back when I was a teenager I was dealing with health OCD stuff, so I wasnt hyperaware of anything like this back then. I do hope OCD wont attack my relationship if I do ever date someone older (which I've always seen happening tbh) but I'm sure it will, just is what it is I guess. :( Thanks again ❤
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd If it does, there’s tools you can utilize to deal with it! My theme is unrelated to my OCD, but I work daily to manage my condition and it’s given me so much of my life back.
- Date posted
- 5y
Why is wanting to date an older men wrong? I don't see any reason why you should not do that.
- Date posted
- 5y
I get that, but I feel like there is something strange about me wanting that so much when I was a teenager. Idk :(
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Nothing strange about it. I sometimes had crushes on teachers ? so don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you
- Date posted
- 5y
@bm99 I guess, but what about watching porn with older men in it ? isn't that just too much? I mean I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world hence why such categories exist on porn websites but idk, feels creepy idk. I remember my cousin telling me she is attracted to older men aswell so i know I'm not and never was alone lol but idk, ocd is feeding off this :(
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd What is the age gap you're talking about?
- Date posted
- 5y
@bm99 Well idk, any older man it didnt really bother me. I dont watch porn anymore so this is a few years ago.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Ever since POCD hit, I've come to a point where I've gotten desensitized on what's right and wrong. I think fiction and porn hasn't helped either. The only thing I worry about now is if I'm attracted to someone below 18 or view sexual content of someone below 18. And I think perhaps this has made me numb to situations that are wrong, even in cases for myself. In the past week, I've seen two posts about people just turning 18 and relationships/sexualization of them. The first post was someone on Twitter talking about this person being a predator. It was a screenshot of a Tiktok where a woman who is 23 said the kid she used to babysit at 13 just turned 18 and if she should ask her out. And to be honest, I felt nothing. I didn't regard it as wrong. My thought was "well, they're both adults now so whatever." The next post I saw today, and I feel like this was life trying to tell me something. I'm 18 and just turned 18 a few months ago. At 17 I realized I was become desensitized and justifying morally wrong things as a teen from porn and stuff, and POCD hit so I decided I wasn't going to be attracted to minors or sexualize them even if we're the same age. But I was thinking about the morality of stuff, like people turning 18 and being an adult and everything. And I was just kind of like, well as long as someone is 18 it doesn't matter and it's okay right? Well, today a KPOP Idol, Han Yujin, literally just turned 18. I was checking the Enhypen group out and the members ages now. Specifically Sunoo and Sunghoon because I had crushes on them but I did the rest of the members too. I did know Han Yujin was 17 before, but I checked his age and it said he was 18. And my first thought was, "oh, it's okay to like him now!" And then I saw he literally just turned 18 today. It made me feel weird, but I was thinking, well he's 18. He's an adult. So it's fine, right? Well, I opened Twitter and a Twitter post called for someone to report an account. I saw that the account in question had posted on Han Yujin's birthday. The post was "Han Yujin is 18 now. It's okay to sexualize him!" Or something along those lines. Something I myself had JUST thought about. The post had 24k likes and a few comments, with people saying it was gross, disgusting, predatory, etc. Apparently the person who made the post about Yujin was 18 though, maybe even only a few months older than Han Yujin. But no one cared and said it was disgusting and predatory/pedo either way. And now I'm sitting here, thinking about myself and my own morality. My morals seem to stop at someone being 18 and that's that. But that doesn't seem very moral, does it? Especially with the posts I saw and what just happened. I have this mindset and I'll still have it when I'm older and basically be a groomer and a pedophile. Everyone else seems to see and understand that dating someone or sexualizing them the moment they turn 18 is grooming, pedophilic, weird, gross, etc. but I don't have the same view and see it as okay. There are many more situations similar to this too. Where I've justified real relationships and fictional ones where someone knew someone as a minor, kid, and even in cases where they raised them. My argument every time is "nothing happened before 18, and they're an adult now." For fiction, I justify it so I can enjoy the fictional content, relationship, and sexual content of them. It just seems like I have a predatory and pedophilic mindset, and I don't think it will change with age.
- Date posted
- 17w
when I was 15 soon to turn 16, I met this girl in a IG group chat made by our mutual friends. We started talking and eventually we started flirting and talking sexual towards each other, though eventually we stopped talking because she was being really weird. A couple months later In July of 2024 my friend found out that she was actually 13 and that she lied to me about her age. It's been 10 months since l've found out and I still feel so disgusted in myself. I had my suspicions at the time but I let them go since she said she was 16 turning 17. I was completely oblivious trusting someone I only knew online especially since i've never seen their face either. i'm struggling on what to do since i've been suffering with POCD since I was 15. Till this day I still feel weird and disgusted in myself because of that. But it feels ironic since i'm sexualizing someone that's 2 years younger than me and I waited to confirm she was around my age range to sexualize her. I feel so weird and guilty about it idk what to do
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- Date posted
- 16w
TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...
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