When I was in my teenage years 17/18/19 I was attracted to older men and the idea of dating older men, I never did but I always wanted too. I even watched porn with older men in it and had a mild "daddy kink", but now that I'm in my early 20s I can see how strange/wrong and predatory that is even if someone is over the legal age of 18. Even now, in my early 20s I'd question why an older man would want to date me. Maybe that's because I developed pocd. But now OCD is making me feel so guilty for fantasizing about being with an older man like that. Like there is something innately wrong with me for wanting to be with an older man. Maybe it is linked to not ever having a present father figure in my life idk, I just feel like a creep for fantasizing about having a relationship like that for so long in my teenage years (for a good 3 or 4 years).

Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't watch porn anymore anyway (probably avoidance bc of OCD) but as a teenager I did fantasise about older men, hence why I watched the categories I did. OCD makes me feel guilty for it even though it's fine as long as everyone is over 18 which in porn they are. I mean, I would still date an older man for the same reasons your girlfriend stated. I don't like that OCD turns things into something their not and that OCD is torturing me over this :( But thanks I appreciate your insight, its helped.

@MJocd Any time! If you analyze or ruminate on anything it can be a source of anxiety. It’s the nature of the disorder we live with. It’s super common for many younger women to be interested in older men. And that interest doesn’t necessarily mean you’d pursue it in real life. I had apprehensions about dating someone younger than me—I even talked with my therapist about it—but decided she made me happy and there was no reason to not be with someone I love just because there’s social expectations about what constitutes an acceptable relationship. She’s an adult and so I am.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thankyou, I really appreciate it. If I never had the themes of OCD I've been dealing with in my early 20s, I would never have looked back at my teenage years and even given it a second thought. I would have just taken it as a phase teenagers go through or a phase I went though, but ofc OCD wants to analyse it and dissect it and find out what it means about my person and if it means anything bad about me. Back when I was a teenager I was dealing with health OCD stuff, so I wasnt hyperaware of anything like this back then. I do hope OCD wont attack my relationship if I do ever date someone older (which I've always seen happening tbh) but I'm sure it will, just is what it is I guess. :( Thanks again ❤

@MJocd If it does, there’s tools you can utilize to deal with it! My theme is unrelated to my OCD, but I work daily to manage my condition and it’s given me so much of my life back.

I get that, but I feel like there is something strange about me wanting that so much when I was a teenager. Idk :(

@MJocd Nothing strange about it. I sometimes had crushes on teachers ? so don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you

@bm99 I guess, but what about watching porn with older men in it ? isn't that just too much? I mean I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world hence why such categories exist on porn websites but idk, feels creepy idk. I remember my cousin telling me she is attracted to older men aswell so i know I'm not and never was alone lol but idk, ocd is feeding off this :(

@MJocd What is the age gap you're talking about?

@bm99 Well idk, any older man it didnt really bother me. I dont watch porn anymore so this is a few years ago.