What are your thoughts on identity/platonic crushes ?

hahahaha omg u have no idea how much my anxiety spiked at first ? I’ve heard they’re pretty common, I definitely had identity crushes on women I admired. But hocd just got me questioning everything and convincing me I actually had crushes on them :(

@princess I’m glad you liked a little humor! It helps to have some levity about your obsessions. I understand why you’re grappling with these kinds of questions, but no answer you get from someone in the community will alleviate the doubt. If you haven’t before, you can use cognitive defusion techniques like humor to get some distance from your thoughts. If a thought like that appears you could always say, “Wow, it’s amazing how that attractive woman in the commercial made me super gay.”

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett hahha thank you for the tips !! I’ll give them a try, but it’s hard :( like I genuinely don’t want to be attracted to women

@princess You couldn’t control it even if you happened to actually be gay. That doesn’t mean there’s a 50/50 chance that you might actually be gay, it just means it’s not something within your control, and your relationship to that fear is what’s causing your suffering. Not that you have doubts in the first place. I’m mostly heterosexual, but when I see Chris Evans, I get where gay people are coming from, you know?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett hahahha yes that makes me feel better :) some days I laugh at the thoughts, like I find them silly and irrational. Other days I have mental breakdowns because of them ?? But I’ll try to just sit with the anxiety. I feel like I should just get rid of the fear, because hocd just feeds off of all of the fear I have :(. But how ? hahah

@princess Don’t try to rid yourself of the fear, just try to let the fear be present. There will be moments where there this is easier or more difficult. Just work at it incrementally. Next time you have a particularly intense moment, and you maybe feel like posting a question to get a reassuring answer, try instead to note, “I’m experiencing fear and worry. I feel like I have to get an answer now. I’m going to let the question remain without responding. I can deal with this later.” Then redirect towards something else. Not distraction, just that you’re going to do something you’d do if you weren’t preoccupied with it. I’ll have harm thoughts about my kids for example, but choose to play with them even though the thoughts are there. You’ll notice that they tend to intensify for a bit then naturally drift away.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thank you so much for your help :) I’m also trying to face my fears, like if anything really triggers me and gives me anxiety, I’ll try to face it. For example if I get a false attraction and can’t look the person in the eyes, I try to do exactly that. Not gonna lie, it is quite hard hahah. But last night my two best friends came out as bisexuals, literally at the peak of my hocd hahah. I got really triggered and relapsed :( My anxiety has spiked so many times today. But I will keep fighting !

@princess Then you’re doing well! Being particularly triggered or having a difficult moment doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. It just means you’ve got to apply the tools you’ve already learned!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thank you so much :)

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett also, sorry for bothering u hahah. But I’m self-diagnosed, so the fear that I might not actually have hocd is always there :(

@princess Perhaps try and get a diagnosis!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I can’t really go to a therapist :( but I searched up the symptoms and literally started crying because I related to them all. Also I think I had very mild ocd themes like food poisoning, my family’s health, hiv (although i’m a virgin lmao so that doesn’t really make sense). But it would just pop up some nights and I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Would you say that’s ocd ?

@princess Sorry, since I’m not a clinician I try and avoid offering an opinion on diagnoses!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett ahh sorry i thought u were a therapist hahah

@princess Haha, nope! Just an advocate and I’ve been living with OCD for 25+ years! I’ve been through expsoure work and do it daily, still!

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Ahh !! Wish u the best of luck on your journey :)