Hello everyone! (Existential Obsessions) I have struggled with anxiety since I was a young boy. I remember worrying when I was younger that I was inadvertently trying to harm my mother, even though I love my mother more than anyone in the world. It’s shifted more times than I can count, from worrying about poisoning or contamination to thinking that I had heart disease. It’s all the same animal just shape shifting into whatever I fear most at the given time. Currently, (trigger warning) I am constantly obsessed with the fear of developing some sort of delusion or schizophrenia. I am 25 years old (I know that it would’ve probably developed by now) and have no schizophrenia in my gene pool. But I am constantly checking my thoughts to see if they sound delusional or if I am hallucinating my reality. This of course if extremely frustrating for someone with OCD because there is never going to be any definitive proof that I am not going mad. It has caused me extreme discomfort over the past few months and has brought me to extreme states of panic. I was wondering if any of you deal with existential OCD or fears of losing touch with reality. Of course, some days this seems laughable and others I can almost taste the insanity. On paper, everything in my life is going amazingly but in truth I can’t seem to enjoy any of it because I have these nightmarish intrusions of everything falling apart around me. Is this a common symptom? P.S I already run a few miles a day, meditate, do yoga and am working on strengthening my CBT. Any other suggestions?

Christian, what do you mean by “there is never going to be any definitive proof that I am not going mad”? Okay, here’s the thing. If you were truly going mad, you wouldn’t even be aware that you were going mad. The fact that you have awareness that you could be going mad, is in fact proof that you are not, indeed, going mad. Hope that makes sense ?

I get a similar thing. I am terrified of developing schizophrenia. PTW I sometimes have to spell OCD but the full version forwards and backwards and than forwards again to make sure that I get OCD and not schizophrenia even though I know that that has no rational connection. Going over your thoughts and if you match the symptoms of schizophrenia will only make it worse(trust me I know more easily said than done) but try to stay away from googling symptoms because I know that once I got a handle on that things got a bit easier

I don’t have these specific intrusive thoughts, but I understand what you mean when you say that you’re life is great, but you can’t enjoy it because of ocd! My advice: Keep doing the things you love. When you have ocd, it can make you fear and avoid doing the things that comfort you, and can try to turn everything against you. I hope you feel bettet

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Have you ever told your symptoms to an OCD specialist?

@Pineapple Thank you! Definitely appreciate that. I suppose the lack of “definitive proof” comes in when I think about philosophy and how we will never actually know others perception or the nature of reality. It’s the age old thing of “I think therefor I am” but my OCD sends that to degrees that haunt and unsettle me. I need to just have faith in my relationships and in the now but my OCD certainly loves to make me question existence typically when everything seems to be going great for me.

Hey @christian you mention that life is going amazingly for you. Do you take sometime everyday to reflect on that? I recently heard from my friend that she writes ten things she’s grateful for every morning and it’s something I’m hoping to do as well.

@ily9k I definitely should implement that into my morning routine. Thank you for the advice!

@Mjs110160 I have never been to an OCD specialist but I am currently in therapy and doing CBT.