I ordered an STI/STD test because even though I haven’t had unprotected sex/sexual contact with anyone but my partner (who hasn’t got anything)I’m scared I’ve like contracted it by touching an object and then touching myself afterwards (not in like a sexual way but like when I get changed or something the STI or STD might spread to my body)...I already have/or had HPV with Genital Warts which I’m so ashamed of...my partner knows this so I haven’t hidden it but I’m scared I might have something else that I contracted not by sex or sexual contact...

It comes from my fear of abandonment- I worry myself literally sick, because I’m afraid “what if I got something in a way that WASNT sexual, and my partner THINKS I cheated when I didn’t and he leaves me” I think it’s come from trying to prevent him leaving suddenly because that happened in my last relationship. I was unprepared, and after ten years he kicked me to the curb with no warning signs or place to go so I’m TERRIFIED AT ALL TIMES NOW

@uwotm8 This is exactly my point! I’m sitting here thinking like I haven’t cheated but I could have Gonnereha or HIV or whatever and it could have been by a complete fluke or accident!! Like I haven’t had sex or sexual contact with ANYONE else but now I’m scared like what if I have an I repressed it and the whole thing is driving me nuts

@spinelessgirl Holy fucking hell I never find someone else with the exact same obsession as me and seeing someone else with it makes it easier to dismiss it as ocd now, so thank GOD! I know people are gonna say it’s reassurance but I don’t care. Because if you can’t tell if it’s caused by ocd because it’s SO specific, how CAN you dismiss it as ocd?! Anyway I’m exactly like you lol ? so funny what our brains do

@spinelessgirl Also last week I was changing in my sister in laws spare bedroom and didn’t realise the door wasn’t closed properly and I kept thinking “what if someone came in and assaulted me and I didn’t know” now I’m back to worrying I need to get tested or my life is over

@uwotm8 Which obviously makes no sense lol ?

@uwotm8 Yes!!! Like my brain says ‘well you probably repressed the memory of you cheating! You don’t have OCD it’s an excuse’ but literally I haven’t slept with anyone else and now my brain is making me doubt that so now I can’t even say I’m 100% sure! My partner says I haven’t because I tell him every little detail about me and it’s unlikely I’d cheat and forget...

@spinelessgirl Yeah you wouldn’t forget it at all- imagine how much more that would torture you with guilt if you actually HAD! I also have to try to think this. When I was thinking omg what if I was sexually assaulted and didn’t know etc I thought wait HANG ON - a. It’s the same theme I always experience (STDs) and b. I wouldn’t be thinking “what if I was” I would be feeling traumatised and devastated and I wouldn’t give a shiny shit about STDs if that ACTUALLY happened because I’d be just focusing on feeling violated, not worrying about potential abandonment

I understand where you’re coming from and that is true if STDs were that easy to catch, everyone would be riddled with them! I just hate the fact I doubt myself when I never felt guilty before and now all of a sudden I’m scared I have done something with zero proof...I will try to say that to myself that ‘I did all the right things and didn’t put myself in any situation to get an STD’. Even at the start of our relationship I got checked and I was fine (except the HPV but my partner already knew).

@spinelessgirl If it’s any consolation too - I had a smear test and discovered I had HPV which sent me into MORE of a spiral but my partner was like “don’t worry” too. Everyone gets it it’s unavoidable and is usually harmless. I know this because I rang the cervical screening nurse and she spoke to me intensively about it and what it meant as I have the “high risk” strain but even that isn’t usually a problem. It only becomes one if you don’t have your smear tests!!

ocd*