Hi everyone, I'm having a rough time. I don't know if this is me exaggerating but I don't and can't see a way out of all this mess. I follow Kimberley Quinlan on instagram, and she has recently posted something about self compassion and how everyone is good and loved. But here is the thing: I don't deserve self compassion and I don't deserve to be loved. I've done some disgusting and awful things, and because of that I don't deserve to be treated with love and respect. And this kills me. It kills me knowing that I'll never be good a person. It kills me that I am who I am and I can't change it. I saw the post, realised what a deviant I am and how I deserve nothing good, and my anxiety is spiralling like crazy now, it won't stop. I don't know what to do. I have work today but I really don't know how to function. The pain is way, way too big for me to handle it without bursting into tears or wanting to spend the whole day in bed and be left alone. I'm sorry. I don't really know what I want from this post; I guess I just wanted to let it out. Thank you for reading this.

Okay sit down and breath. First, we all did things which afterwards we kind of regretted or feel disgusted/ shameful about. That’s call humanity. If only people who did nothing deserved love and life, well much probably it will be nobody on this planet. That girl, worry I am neither American and neither have Instagram. What’s Instagram ? A reflection of fake reality where you have to sell dream non stop. Do not compare yourself to others. You have no idea what that woman has done in her life. Maybe, following your criteria’s, her own self wouldn’t deserve love and life and still she is publishing these posts. It’s because she doesnt have OCD and therefore she has moved and accept her past and what she considered mistakes. Self comparaison is typical to OCD and it is also your OCD who emphasizes the guilt and shame. I had a period where I was like you obsess about some memories. After weeks of therapy I am nearly smiling thinking back how my OCD was making me feel guilty about it. Believe me you will overcome that. Don’t let your Emotions and your OCD drive you. They are not a rational reflection of your life.

I think you need to keep in mind that your ocd blows out of proportion things that you’ve done. I only know you from interacting with you on here but I can tell you that you seem like a honest, good person, and I do wish you happiness and for others to be kind towards you, but also for you to be kind and gentle towards yourself.

You are NOT your ocd....try to be a little easier on yourself, you are not a deviant or monster

So much of your post sounds like thoughts I have about myself. My therapist asked me to experiment with acting as if I deserve compassion for a couple months to see what happens. Maybe you could try that too

Sorry * not worry