Deleted post.

I honestly can’t tell when thoughts are being affected by OCD. Sometimes I think I have what I think are normal “grey” thoughts, but then OCD adds so much weight to them and I spiral. I had this thought that I wished my boyfriend was more confident or independent. I felt so guilty for thinking it. I told him, and of course it hurt him. He told me it’s a normal thought to have, I just dwell on it too much. And that it’s the kind of thought most people keep to themselves. That’s the thing. I don’t know what’s okay to keep to myself and what isn’t. I think sometimes I say things out loud not just to relieve anxiety, but because I genuinely don’t know what’s okay to think or say. I do not know the line between a normal grey thought and something that’s “bad” to think. I don’t know how to tell if it’s something I should process privately or something I need to be ashamed of. I get this confusion with intrusive thoughts too, but those are easier to spot and evaluate. This is harder, because again, it is *my* thought. That makes it harder to sit with. Maybe the intrusive part is the voice that questions what kind of person I am for even thinking it. I don’t have the same telltale signs anymore. My physical anxiety isn’t there anymore, it’s all in my head and that makes it so much more confusing. But I don’t know. The line between honesty vs compulsion is so blurry. I just feel lost

Help! My OCD has caught onto this thought for awhile and I keep spinning on it. I know you are supposed to follow your values and what your actions suggest with OCD, but what if that is even blurry right know? For example my whole life I wanted to be with a man, and now my OCD is having major intrusive thoughts about women. How do you tell if those thoughts are wanted or not? I can’t figure out if I like the thoughts or not. I’m trying to live the life “I want” but what if I don’t know what that is?

Why does my pocd always try to tell my I agree with bad stuff or tell me bad stuff is normal etc… I don’t agree with it but it feels like my body and brain does but I always am like wtf after I get the thought but sometimes if I try to let it pass that feels like I’m agreeing with it. Like omg bro I hate this