Everything just sucks. I identify as a masculine lesbian, but I’m having intrusive thoughts about being bisexual. My problem though is that when I go on tik tok or instagram, I see masculine women identify as bisexual. This is a problem to me because these are women who you’d look at and think “oh she’s definitely gay”, but she’s not because she’s actually bi. During this whole hocd thing I tried so hard to look and act gay and masculine, while still being myself, because I wanted people to know that I’m gay. But if there are masculine women identifying as bi, what would people think about me?? What if I am bi?? What if I’m just a masculine bisexual?? These thoughts are really triggering because every time I see a masculine identifying bisexual, I think “what if I’m not a masculine lesbian, what if I’m a masculine bisexual?” What if these thoughts I’m having are supposed to tell me “you’re not gay like you think you are, you’re just a masculine bisexual”? Is this normal?? I don’t know what to do anymore. Honestly, I just feel like giving up and giving in. I really don’t know if I can take it anymore. I just don’t know who I am anymore.

It’s really really interesting seeing lesbians talk about this and I see it more and more lately . I’m a heterosexual woman who feared being bi or a lesbian and I’m very girly and love being feminine and attracting men but I was scared what if I was just a feminine lesbian or bisexual. I pretty much got past HOCD but it morphed into TOCD and I’m fearing that I’m only presenting as feminine but really want to be a man / act as a man and it’s so terrible . I read a story about someone who presented as feminine but later transitioned into a man and I get so scared that story scared the hell out of me . For weeks my thoughts told me I hated my breasts and now I get groinal responses and intrusive thoughts tell me I hate my vagina .... sorry this is really detailed and so uncomfortable to write ? but I understand how you feel and it’s absolute hell !!! I get triggered by noticing and feeling certain areas of my body not because I hate them but I fear I will want them gone and destroy myself . But I’ve been doing ERP and also self CBT and my therapist also mentioned mindfulness to me and it helps so much . We all realize these are just thoughts and it’s only if we want to act on them do they mean anything and it all seems soooo real . We are strong people ❤️❤️❤️ we will rise above this !!

i'm going through the absolute opposite of what you're going through. i'm a masculine woman but i like boys and i'm scared that i might be a lesbian because no boys like boyish girls and since i'm naturally buff i thought "oh my god, what if i was made to like girls? what if i was suffering comphet and never realized that i like girls? i must be in denial." and i had to delete tiktok because whenever i saw masculine/butch lesbians my head would take it as a sign of the universe (??? yeah, sounds pretty funny) or as proof that all masculine women must be bi or a lesbian. it has been stuck with me for four months now and i'm going crazy. good luck to you and i hope you find a way to recover.

This resonates with my obsessions. I identify as asexual, and my OCD gets tied up in knots about "what if other people assume I'm sexual". The compulsions are doing things to try to look "unsexy". My therapist and I are working on accepting the fact that I cannot control what other people think