Hi guys, I would like to share something and ask your opinion about it if that's fine. So, I was at work yesterday (I work in a grocery store) and I saw a child walking by. As always, I felt a lot of anxiety, but not just that, I also felt a very strong groinal response. Now, that's not the (great) problem because I'm aware that POCD comes with this type of symptom. The thing that worries me is that I've not been dealing with groinal responses for a long time, and when I had it yesterday, it felt very different than it used to feel when I first started having POCD thoughts. It felt absolutely real and it was very similar to arousal. In addition, in that moment, I don't think I felt enough disgust towards my groinal response, I don't think I realised that my body was responding to seeing a child, and not an adult. I don't know. I'm confused as it feels like it was more than just a groinal response. What do you think about this? Should I worry about it or let it go? (I sincerely apologise if this was disturbing!) Thank you for reading this!

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

It’s ok not to feel disturbed every time you have these responses. Most people have disturbing thoughts, the difference between us and them is that we ascribe meaning to these thoughts and get anxiety about them. Other people do have these kinds of thoughts, they just go “oh that was weird” and move on. It’s also common for people with pocd to feel like it’s “real” and it’s common for people with ocd to not have as much of an anxiety response as they think they should and then have anxiety about not being disturbed enough. What you’ve discribed sounds like something I’ve heard discribed on this forum many times and does not make you a bad person. Treat the incident like you treat the rest of your ocd—accept the uncertainty about it, and then avoid compulsions. Ruminating on the event and over analyzing it can also be a compilation.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm sorry, I have something to add. I was just listening to the latest OCD Stories podcast, which is about POCD. The person that was interviewed was talking about a sexual image involving child (she was giving an example from her work with her clients) and I felt a really strong groinal response. But the worst part is that I let it be there, and I think I also enjoyed it for a couple of seconds while the lady was talking. I'm freaking out right now! I don't know how to interpret this, I really don't! It felt very real because I was almost controlling the sensation/response and being very aware of it. I'm really sorry.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

No need to apologize! You are allowed to take up space. ❤️ Again what you described sounds normal for someone with pocd and sounds like something I have read before. In fact, letting the image sit is something an ERP therapist might have you do. Over analyzing whether you enjoyed it or not sounds like another compulsion. Let the anxiety be, and then find something to keep your mind busy so you don’t ruminate.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 Thank you so much! I know I sound like a broken record, and I really, REALLY need to stop being like this, but I just can't move on from this specific moment. I don't understand why I let myself enjoy the image. The disgust towards myself is now even greater. And I also don't know why I keep doing all these mistakes and then come here, confess, and then wait for people to say that I'm a good person - I just have no limits. None. I'm so sorry. Thank you again for your help!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@corablue It’s ok. I think that ruminating over this incident is something you need to avoid doing. Just say “ok that happened. Maybe it’s bad, but maybe it isn’t.” Then try and do something else to avoid ruminating. I might have asked you this before but do you have a therapist or access to one?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 Yes, I do, and I'm seeing her next Tuesday. We're currently working at backing myself up, but we haven't started doing ERP yet.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@corablue Ok. But she’s planning on starting it eventually?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 Yes, when I'm ready, and I have enough proof against OCD, I think.

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