Hello everybody, I am Shinn and I am suffering from Relatiobship OCD. I always think excessively about my friendships and my relationship with my family is back and forth. I used to go to theraphy but when I got well I stopped it and now I am having the symtomps again and I dont wanna make my mother cry in nights so I don't tell them I need theraphy again. I am bisexual and my family is not okay with that in fact my mother was always thinking my problem was feeling different sexually rather than obsession. Lately I have discovered a new compulsion. I unconsciously make irrelevant conversations about me. I don't do it on purpose and I don't realize it unless my friends say it to me. I don't know how to stop it. Plus I feel offended by everything and I constantly hve problems about this with my friends. Because of my family relationships, I always would talk to my friends and share my feelings with them. But now I am shivering when I think of losing them. I don't wanna be alone and I don't wanna be left alone because my childhood was filled with people excluding and discriminating me. Its pretty much it, if i remember or realize something new I intend to post about it. I wanna get well soon and be there for my friends again.

Hi Shinn, nice to meet you. Welcome to the community. Can you say more about what prompts the redirecting conversations to yourself? I understand how that can be a problematic behavior, but I'm not seeing how it fits into the OCD cycle

Hello of course. This is actually my compulsion I guess. English is not my first language tho I might confuse terms. I do this unconsciously. I still kinda haven't figured out what triggers me but most recently it happened when me and my friend were talking about her personal life problems. I used to go to theraphy and used to have medications guided under a psychiatrist. When I showed progress, we stopped the medications to analyze the situation. We should have visit psychiatrist on March but we were under quarantine and we are still under quarantine and my family doesnt think its necessary anymore because I am "healed". My previous obsessions were about a guy that who acted like my friend and then acted like a lover(and i fell for it) then used me(not sexually) and left me alone. I guess I have said how much I trust my friends rather than my family because they were hardly ever supportive about any of my decisions. Thats why that hurted me so much and also I need to mention the fact that he was the first person ever to reach me out and befriend me when i was excluded by everybody. After that breakdown we fall apart so hard, and I started to relate everything to him, get triggered by his ever word/move, and send hate towards him which i am very ashamed and regretful for. We are now friends again I forgave him and obviously he is saddened by what he has done to me. One of my other obsessions was all of my friends. I have been very careful and protective towards all of my friends after that thing happened with that guy. I started unreasonably scared of them leaving me, scared of them secretly hating me and planning stuff against me. Shortly I gained trust issues and I can't say that I am over that. I trust someone to befriend them so fast but once we are friends I start to feel insecure about them and it happened with nearly all of my current friends. Thanks for attention and your reply! I am going to update when I find about my trigger :)