Hi, I'm so, so sorry for my second post in a day but I really felt like I need to share this with someone. So, I usually have questions about POCD. But this time it's about something different. Okay, here goes: I've started work 3 hours ago and since then I have thoughts about hurting people that I work with. I know, I absolutely know that what I'm going to say will sound immature, but for some reason I have this feeling that some of my colleagues have started to dislike me. I really hope that this is just my social anxiety playing with me but it truly feels like they've changed their behaviour towards me; they seem to be colder to me and treating me like I've done something really bad. Again, I am probably wrong but there is a gut feeling that I can't ignore. Well, for some reason, in my head, it feels like I want to hurt these people for not liking me anymore. I know, this is just so stupid! Makes no sense! None! And the worst thing is that it feels absolutely true. There is no anxiety. I feel like a serial killer. I'm really panicking as I don't know what all this means. I just want to go home and cry but I can't, I have a few more hours to do. I don't think that having the thoughts is my problem. The feelings similar to desire and no anxiety are my problems. Also, the thoughts were not intrusive at all. It's like I was planning crimes in my head. I'm really, really sorry. I feel really ashamed. I'm currently on my break and I have to go back in 2 minutes but I'm too scared and ashamed to do so. Please, be honest. If you think there is a chance that this could be something more than OCD, please let me know. I will accept the truth as it is. Again, I'm really sorry. I don't know why I am like this. Thank you for reading this, and I really hope that you can help me!

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I’d say this sounds a lot like harm ocd. It’s ok, lots of people have these intrusive thoughts. Treat them how you treat your other ocd thoughts, aknowledge they are there, accept the anxiety and uncertainty, and try not to over analyze them. ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Hi, thank you so much for you replies and kind help. All you've said has really helped me to calm down. But there are a few things that I just can't understand: why did my thoughts not feel intrusive?! If I'm genuinely a nice person, why did I feel in those respective moments that I did WANT to harm those really innocent and nice people?! I feel so ashamed... I'm trying to move on but these questions are stuck with me, and I can't seem to find any answer for them. I'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow but I don't know how I can look him in the eyes knowing that I'm capable of thinking and feeling this type of monstrosity. Anyway... I'm sorry. I'll stop. But once again, thank you so, so much for your support. You are amazing!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

No problem! I’m really happy to be able to help. But yeah intrusive thoughts don’t always come as thoughts, sometimes they come as urges or impulses, and for some people these can feel very real.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 Also you don’t need to keep apologizing to me, I don’t mind making room in my day to chat with you. ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@lilywhitelilith Thank you!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 I understand, thank you so much!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 You have no idea how happy this makes me feel ❤

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Also, I'm sorry for replying so late, I was tired last night and fell asleep ? Thank you again for all your help and support!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

No problem!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm sorry, I was meant to put Harm OCD, not POCD. I apologise for any confusion!

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