Why can't reassurance help me? If somebody tells me with good arguments that I'm not a pedophile, I can let it go, right?? I really can't take this anymore. I rather give myself a painful death than being a pedophile. I hate my life..

Yeah reassurance and good arguments often help for a very brief period of time, and then we start picking them apart. Thing is, when you feel you desperately need to feel reassured in order to live, that really points to the idea that you can't survive feeling scary feelings. But you actually can. If you can let yourself feel anxious and guilty without doing *any* rumination about what it means, memory checking, going over and over the same worry thoughts, analysing etc and no reassurance or arguing with it either, just feelings alone, they actually eventually go away again and the idea seems less vivid and overwhelmingly likely and catastrophic. There is literally nothing anyone can say and no argument you can ever come up with or hear which is going to be 100% watertight. There will ALWAYS be some amount of doubt you have to learn to live with, just the same way as people without POCD don't actually have that 100% guarantee either. They just have a pretty high level of confidence and that's enough for them to stop thinking about it. They don't spend their time trying to know *for sure for sure*, that's the only difference between you and them. There are no guarantees available. In any case, feelings pretty much just want to be felt, and then they'll leave you alone. Trying to get rid of them forcibly instead of waiting for them to pass through you and back out again, just makes you end up in a black hole of doom with no way out. It's the same with all OCD obsessive fears, the same trapped feeling. If you can't become flexible, you break.

Happened *