can someone pls talk to me.

i hate this stupid shit. it literally feels different every time we kiss and do anything sexual and stuff now.. i don’t miss him like i used to when he leaves i hate this i’m worried i don’t even love him

@holley Have to spoken to your boyfriend about it?

@beatingocd yes i have

@holley Since your hocd started, do you think being with your boyfriend is also a compulsion to you? Are you reading into everything you do together to see if you still like it or you’re still turned on?

@beatingocd yes for sure

@holley Do you think it would be beneficial for you two to take a break for a week or two? so you could have time to heal? Because compulsions are only going to make everything worse

@beatingocd i don’t know. he couldn’t handle that and i don’t think i could either but maybe that would be best.

@holley It sounds like you’re going through a really really hard time, and then there’s probably loads of pressure to act normal when you’re around him. I know, I’ve been there. Thankfully I think I’ve recovered, but giving yourself time might be exactly what you need to get yourself back on the road to recovery

@beatingocd can you tell me your story on how you recovered and stuff please? that would inspire me for sure. it just feels like it won’t get better.

@holley I guess recovering doesn’t mean forgetting about the thoughts. It means learning to not react to them. Holley, if you were lesbian, you would know. You’d feel an urge to be with women, you’d be happy with it and you probably would’ve know ages ago. That’s what helped me too, I felt so anxious and afraid at the thought of going out with a girl, it made me cry and panic and I felt so unlike myself. So, I learnt to stop responding to the thoughts. You must stop ruminating, stop doing compulsions, and just (I know this sounds harsh) get on with life. If you really want to be happy, you need to work on it! Who cares if you think girls are pretty? Or if you see a girl and you think she’s pretty? It doesn’t matter! You need to desensitize yourself from the thoughts. Don’t give up, I was so so close to giving up and I’m so glad I didn’t. Keep going girl, you have got this

@beatingocd Like I even couldn’t really imagine it, I love imagining scenarios with my boyfriend, and I couldn’t for the life of me imagine myself with a girl. Any time I did I felt sick and panicked, if I truly liked the thoughts I’d feel comfort and peace, if this is how you feel, you must stop ruminating

@beatingocd thank you! i’ve always been confused about my sexuality and feeling bad about it, i had a thing for only one girl last year and inside i always felt like it was “wrong” inside does that make sense? and so after that i’ve only dated guys, and i’m dating my boyfriend rn we’ve been together for about 4 months now and i love him. and so back in january i touched this girl, it didn’t really make me happy a lot of negativity came out of it and i started yk questioning stuff then i dated my boyfriend in february, late february and it was all good until 2 months ago then i had this intrusive thought about this girl that i never liked at all and it was so distressing and annoying i told my boyfriend and he was supportive , i didn’t like her at all i don’t even talk to her anymore she was just a FRIEND. it was this random girl and the thought came into my mind that i liked her when i didn’t that’s why i got so upset then directly after that thought went away, then the thought “you’re gay break up with your boyfriend “ started and it’s been on repeat for 2 months now. my thoughts are just trying to use last year as an example and as proof that i’m lesbian. i hate this.

@holley Sending you loads of hugs!!! I promise you’ll be okay, if being with a girl felt wrong to you- then there’s your answer! I was sexually abused by an older girl when I was young, and my brain used it as proof that I was gay. Obviously it isn’t proof in any way because I didn’t choose for that to happen to me. Sexuality is confusing for everyone! But worrying only means you suffer twice. I know how hard this is, I really do, but you’ll be okay. Try your best to stay positive