Iplease help me I really don’t want to be gay, these thoughts are starting to convince me I like it, I used to spend hours and hours a day talking to only girls, there has never been a moment in life before hocd where I’ve had sexual dreams or irl attraction to men, i even went to a all boys school and wanted girls, I’m 16 and ik people say that your still figuring life out, but honestly if I was gay why should I be depressed. Instant death or be gay ? I would honestly die instantly with my dignity. I don’t want to be gay but everytime I have a spike of reality and know I’m straight, I feel even more gay the next day. Reassurance is killing me! Has anyone else been convinced that they liked the thoughts( false attraction or false feelings) when I’m horny the thoughts feel like I like them and it makes me sick cause at the start of all of this I knew I was straight and knew this was all intrusive, I’ve had girlfriends since nursery and I’m still heartbroken about my ex girlfriend. I don’t see myself happy with a man at all, like the thought of going on dates,holding hands, kissing and shit like that don’t make me happy it makes me uncomfortable and feel weird, but saying this now It’s almost as if the more I deal with hocd the more the disgust and everything gets taken away and the more real this feels. Like gay sex would previously make me feel sick and like it’s a nightmare and make me panic and hyperventilate. But now it makes me horny well I force myself to think about it when I’m horny to see if I like it, previously this would make my dick shrink (sometimes still does) When I try to accept I’m gay I start imagining girls again, I just really don’t want to be gay, I was so girl crazy even at a all boys school, and ever since porn addiction I watched 3 fucked up vids but that can’t determine my sexuality. At the start I would spend like 10 hours doing sexuality tests and checking gay porn and hocd story’s to make sure I was straight and eachtime I was happy and the thoughts stoped for a while, But now it’s making me feel like I like them, I need help. I don’t want to be gay, my parents are fine with it but I’m not, and I’m even thinking about becoming a Christian to make sure, I was looking into conversation therapy if worse comes to worse. I don’t get how sexuality can change against your own will and how convincing hocd is. Like I was so happy being straight I just don’t get this Each day feels more like I like it and I don’t even know what’s going on, what if I’m just gay and scared. Like why is this happening to me ffs. What if I have to be gay, and I can’t even know for sure if I won’t act on the thoughts, like at the start I knew I wouldn’t but this has confused me all so much. Like what if I accept I’m gay and like it. Like I don’t want that at all, I just don’t want the gay lifestyle, sex with men/ getting bullied. Dates with men make me sick