What do I do if I get intrusive thoughts during sex? I feel like this is emotionally scarring me. Right now when I get intrusive thoughts the anxiety makes me more aroused (or maybe I'm in denial)and it makes me want to stop having sex all together because I feel like I'm being violated by my own brain. I dont like the thoughts so don't tell me that I should like them, that's like telling a sexual abuse victim to try to appreciate their abuse.

me**

No not the whole time. Most of the time it actually doesn't happen, but recently there's been a really heavy combination of rocd and hocd. It's not even just about girls. I get horrid intrusive thoughts that just simply tell me to cheat on my boyfriend with our male and female friends and stuff. That feels like a really intense urge. I dont want it. It tells me I don't love him and I'm just using him for sex, which is bullshit. I hung out with one of his female friends and now I keep getting intrusive thoughts about her like I have a crush on her or something. I honestly dont know why it would matter if I did, I've had mini crushes on guys that I knew had no weight on my relationship at all because I never took them seriously. But I've never liked any girls before this. I experimented with idea of liking my ex best friend, but I feel like that was me confusing friend love for romantic love, when it definitely wasn't. Idk now, maybe it was now I dont fucking know, but back then it felt like I was just playing around.

you didn’t kiss him! and that makes me worry that the thoughts are 24/7 for me like that’s the only thing i think about is being lesbian and intrusive thoughts about my sexuality. every second of the day every day. it wasn’t like that the first two months of my relationship though. it was perfect the first two months. how long have you had hocd and stuff???

@holley I've had ocd for as long as I can remember, but my first run in with hocd was when I was 11 or 12. After that it pretty much completely dissipated because I had other main themes. Now I'm 22 and it came back last year (very long story). This month marked a year for me. It's has been the hardest year of my life, but I'm definitely better than what I was. I definitely have hocd thoughts almost all day everyday. I don't really think there's a passing moment where I dont struggle with the thoughts in some form. I'm usually good at pushing them away during sex, which is probably a compulsion, but it's been a struggle recently. Out of desperation I feel like I should force myself to think of them because it could potentially bring down my anxiety response as an exposure. Idk. My relationship was also perfect in the beginning. My boyfriend knows pretty much everything (dont share all of your thoughts it can be a compulsion and it's not really healthy for either of you) I've probably confessed 30 million times now that I'm a lesbian an all he says is that he doesn't care and that he loves me, which you think would relieve the anxiety, but no. It's a trick. It did at first but, I was seeking reassurance. Reassurance is poisonous.

@hateocd123 omfg i’ve confessed many times to him i am and it doesn’t help at all!!!!! like wtf??? it’s every second and of every fucking day i want it to end

@holley We will get through this

@hateocd123 i hope so.