Looks like I was wrong about my sexuality besides the OCD. I am likely a febfem. I've remembered I had some attraction to some men before the OCD and I know it's not a false memory. I'm sad because I would absolutely never date a man and would absolutely never be happy with one. But I guess I'm still attracted to them. I'm really sad, but I have to accept it. Thank you all.

Yes,but I thought about being with these guys. I thought about kissing them even though I was disgusted by the thought of being with them sexually.

@fenna Were you disgusted by them

@10lewis10 Yes, most of the time. Keyword most. Sometimes they were semi fine,like why am I thinking this but like ok.

Liston to this, I finally spoke with my mum and dad and they said they have thoughts about animals, family members, same gender you know my brother even said he had gay dreans but woke up to them a was like ‘wtf’ but the difference is we think our thoughts define us, why do you think they say we get stuck. Spoke with my therpist yesterday and wrote down my thoughts about everything and it showed that any thought I have I believe

I've considered myself a lesbian for years, got straight OCD that then later switched to bisexual OCD and over the past few days I've realized that I may have very well had actual attraction to men in the past, even though i would never be happy with one. (see above message). I've talked to some bisexual women who wouldn't be happy with being with a man, so...theres no hiding anymore. I will never ever date or have sex with a man, I would hate it,but I am attracted to men.

@fenna Not to reassure you but you’ve obviously gone through coming out and well done, it is perfectly natural in your case me attractive, you fancy women. Period, right now I can think about kissing anyone in my head or killing anyone that does not mean I want it. If that was the case I can imagine having g sex Megan Fox but does not mean that’s going to happen does it. Right now your in anxious state so your gonna believe your doubts. It’s like me turning off a light in the bathroom then walking away then thinking “I turned the light off but what if I didn’t’ do you get me

@fenna You can’t be attracted to something and hate it, that’s not how it works. You can admire a look. You know the killer Michael Myers I admire his look but I hate what he does. I know it sounds stupid but ocd is stupid

@10lewis10 I believed my doubts for a long time but I feel like there's no hiding. I kind of even wanted it at the time in a sense that I liked the fantasy of it that I wasn't willing to act upon even back then. I am no longer attracted to those men so it's hard to evaluate what I felt back then. I am not anxious, I am just sad. I've done enough EPR that I do not mind much anymore.

@10lewis10 I have talked to plenty of straight and bisexual feminists who hate men but are still attracted to them. I am not one, but just saying. I had a bisexual woman just tell me that she'd rather be dead than with a man yet she is still attracted to them and desires them, just chooses not to act on it. And I'm most likely the same. I wish I got a genuine boy crush right now to help me go through it and accept myself as bisexual, even though I'm not willing to be with men.

@fenna Don’t you see your sad, let’s just say you are attracted to men. You would be lying to yourself because the one way you can tell your sexuality is what makes you happy, if the fact you are unhappy and disgusted with the thoughts just tells you, I’m not being funny buy anything taboo to us humans can make us horny because the excitement of doing something you’d shouldn’t or not want. So you been arlused to men that’s just because it a taboo thought which is an excitement, why do you think there’s porn videos with son fucks mum because it’s taboo it’s wrong, would those people fuck there mum in real life no

@fenna People get attracted and admiration muddled up. I’m straight male, I think ronaldo is a good looking man but I don’t fancy him. I’ve got hocd and the reason why I can say that now is because I’m not anxious about it but if I was saying that would kill me

@fenna That makes no sense she can’t fancy men then. Understand she probably just notices how good looking someone is. Problem is people don’t get really confused and I mean really confused from attraction and admiration they are completely. If she is bi then fair enough, but not being funny the days everyone says there bi and prefers one but I think people look at the same gender and notice there good looking and assume there bi now that not how it works. Bisexuals famcy both and want both they don’t say things like I rather die that’s not how it works

@10lewis10 I don't think you think about kissing someone you simply admire. Or cuddling. Or just "hanging out" very often. I am an artist, and I have a shit load of male idols that inspire me, because I feel like their mindset resonates with mine and my values and my perception. I daydream about conversation we could have or have had. I feel like I'm a male often because of them. And I know I'm not attracted to them. And yet, I thought about kissing two guys. Sure, it was like I was watching myself in third person,

@fenna You don’t relise how powerful your brain is. Yes you can you can imagine anything, ocd plays on the things you love or find important. For what you written I can tell you know what you are and you know you have a thought and it’s scared you that’s all it is. Everything your worried about is a thought you had and is distresses you.

@fenna You basically don’t need to worry it’s just they if. If means possibilities and potentials and that’s what scares us

@fenna Sorry, accidentally hit send it - but kissing them, cuddling, spending time and a few times I even thought about having sex with them even though i didn't like it and didn't feel aroused in the slightest. But I didn't hate it so much that i had to stop thinking, I didn't distract myself away, I let it happen. The bisexual I talked to is a febfem as well. She considered herself a lesbian before she got attracted to a man. She said she desired him but was completely unwilling to act on it. She is fully bisexual because she is attracted to men. And she's also a feminist, so she would cling to the label for the sake of it.

@10lewis10 I just found a text of me saying to my friend of me saying I may be attracted to one of the guys. If that isnt proof I dont know what is. And I was attracted him before I got OCD.

@fenna You know horror films when I was about 10 they use to scare me and I would look away but I’m now 20 and I can watch and not be scared so the more you think or see something the less of a reaction you have which why erp exist. You obviously had the thought and it may have distresses you but now I guess if you’ve had numerous thoughts with men so your so anxious about and that’s because your brain is use to the thought being there and that’s because I you live worries about it so much.

@10lewis10 Even considering myself a lesbian now is distressful because everytime I do my mind says "but maybe you want men" and once I open myself to the possibility I despise it and want it closed. And it's this endless cycle if rumination. I feel like I'd be lying if I called myself a lesbian now, if I called myself bisexual it would mean I would be open to men, which I am absolutely not.

@fenna That’s not proof, your worried, from my perspective your overthinking. I just talked to my dad about my thoughts and that’s not proof. There no proof you know your attracted to women and don’t compare to your friend because hers is completely different to your and plus she doesn’t sound so sure herself

@fenna You just used to words but maybe. Ocd right there that’s just another word for if

@fenna Your screaming ocd

@10lewis10 I am no longer anxious due to EPR, but my mind us still intruding upon me.

@fenna Right I’m going through the same as you do let’s do it together ok. Some days I feel like this down days I feel happy and some days I back so with sexuality there no bad or good days. We know what we desire and they always say look from a 3rd person perspective of yourself and I can do that for you and I can see your suffering from ocd. It’s a doubting disease and all I see is you doubting yourself with no valid points. Your ocd is overpowering you don’t let it ruin you because I nearly self harmed and then I realised how stupid this is because it’s all my head playing with me and I didn’t relise and that’s because I doubted and that’s ocd

@10lewis10 I guess. The thing is, it was before OCD is what has me doubting. If it was after I would know it was false. But now I cannot tell.

@fenna No ocd was there you just didn’t pay attention at the time

@fenna It’s a sneaky cunt

@10lewis10 Dude, I was attracted to those men literally years before I started doubting my lesbian identity.

@fenna Like I say ocd is cunt but you know yourself

I just knew. I liked girls ever since I was like 7 and I pretty much always thought of it as all I ever wanted. However due to homophobic environment I went though a phase when I would convince myself I liked guys to get approval. And looking back I thinkI genuinely liked some of them, at least more likely than not. After I got out of that environment and made friends with a few lesbian and bisexual women I came to the realization that I am still very much gay and started pursuing women. And then years later I got OCD about it because I really didn't want this one girl to like me back and my mind went like "oh so you don't want her to like you back so maybe you don't like her at all and if you do not like her you couldn't have liked any girl at all" and that's how it spiraled into OCD.

There were many signs back when I was in denial though. I was nearly obssesed with beautiful women and had a million pics of them saved, really loved tonic imagery (still very much do), really wanted to make time get into feminism because girls are that awesome man, always said I'll be an independent woman with no man ever, dreaded the idea of marrying a man, etc..

@fenna it was always like this but with boys for sure

@fenna i went through a period where i was like fuck men lol! but what woman doesn’t say that????