How do I accept myself? I figured I'm actually bisexual besides the OCD as I've experienced attraction to men prior to OCD and I know it was real. I'm so depressed about it I feel like I could kill myself. I don't want to be bisexual. I dont feel happy calling myself bisexual. Any tips?

No, it's fine. I just remembered that before I got the OCD, I had fantasies about being with specific men that I was never willing to act upon. They weren't that good looking and I even have found one of them ugly at the time, and they're still not that good looking to me I still enjoyed thinking about them. I didn't place much value on the thoughts back then, wrote it off as compulsory heterosexuality, but now looking back it looks to me that I was most likely desiring them. I never once got off to them, I doubt I would like it, and my attraction to them now is gone so I can't know for sure what I felt at the time. I know way more beautiful men than they were, and nicer, and sweeter, and more appealing overall but I was never attracted to them.i even said something along the lines that "if I'm not attracted to David Bowie that means I'm literally incapable of being attracted to men" and yet...

I most definitely wouldn't like the reality of being with a guy and I was only into these men back when I was shit touch starved, and i even kind of viewed them as women because of how feminine they were. They were still male though, and I am likely not a lesbian. So, that's it. I will never ever date a guy, but I guess I'm not a lesbian. I'm just sad because my lesbians experiences have brought me the best times of my life, I was the happiest I've ever been, and now it feels as if that's being taken away from me.

My ruminations of OCD have almost stopped ever since I came to this conclusion. I used to be extremely distressed when called bisexual, but I almost do not mind anymore due to EPR. Right now I just feel an obligation to prove that I'm bisexual by finding guys I like at the moment and at the back of my head still wishing I was a lesbian in denial, hoping I would just come to the conclusion that I am gay after all of this, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I dont think I'll be re coming out to everyone unless I get with a man, which definitely won't happen in the near future at the very least. I also feel like I've been avoiding the bisexual label because I was one in denial. Sigh, anyway I feel like shit today because of this. I only talked to my best friend about it, told her I'm likely bisexual and she was fine. The truth had to come out somehow. And maybe I'll get around to incorporating my feelings for men in my life somehow.

@fenna I guess my problem is that I still kind of view lesbianism as better than bisexuality, which objectively isn't the case, but for me lesbianism was better because I felt more resonated with it. So that's something to get over.