Hi, I've realised that I can only survive a day without reassurance. After that, the shame, guilt and disgust for every thought, sensation and urge I've had and for every bad thing I've done come back to haunt and cause me more pain. I'm not saying that I don't deserve this pain, but I just don't know how to leave And deal with it. I'm nothing without reassurance. Nothing. Without it I'm drowning in my own sadness, emptiness and loneliness deeper and deeper. I was doing slightly better yesterday but now I'm back to feeling like the worst human being ever. I want to cry but apparently I can't even do that. Yep. It feels great.

POCD

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

Keep in mind that's it's not unusual to have ups and downs on the road to recovery. Even those who have come a long way can have bad days. A key is to not get so down on yourself during the bad days that you spiral downward. That way when a better day comes along you don't have as far to climb out from where you were.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for your kind help and advice!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

What are things you enjoy doing that can maybe take your mind off these thoughts for a little while?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I enjoy the most going for walks (I have a special place) and listening to music. I know I should practice them more, especially when I'm in moments of crisis but I just don't feel like I deserve to do so because of the tremendous amount of guilt, shame and disgust I feel towards myself. In moments of panic and despair, all I want is to curl in my bed and cry. Of course I can't do that as I have responsibilities (but mainly because I live with my family and if they see me crying they ask lots of questions which I don't want to answer).

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@corablue @corablue I can get the family thing, I don’t talk to my family much about my ocd either. I think it’s good to practice these things you enjoy, even when you don’t think you deserve them. ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 Thank you! ❤

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@corablue No problem! ?

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Have you always been able to go a full day without reassurance? Or is that an increase from the length of time you were able to go in the past?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I think it has always been a full day but I never truly payed attention to it. However, it seems that now it's my main compulsion as it takes up a lot of my time, and I can feel how emotionally draining and upsetting it can be when I don't do it.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@corablue I encourage you to see if you can extend the time you sit with discomfort little by little.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Thank you! It sounds like a really difficult thing to do and it will probably be a failure after failure, but I will give it a go and try my best.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@corablue You'll make more progress if you frame it as success after success. Every five minutes you delay is a victory. And every time you do a compulsion is a chance to learn more about how your OCD works

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Thank you for your advice and help! I really appreciate it!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you all for your support and help! And I apologise for not replying earlier, I was at work. I hope you are doing okay.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm sorry, I've just realised that I've typed *leave* instead of *live*. I'm sorry about that.

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