Does anyone feel like they are getting better like I genuinely feel a little bit less anxious than other days but deep down I feel super uncomfortable with the thoughts but I’m not reacting to them as much and then it’s so hard to not believe them at times because the possibility of them being true is still there and you’re like yeah that could be possible but you know what’s true because before this you didn’t think twice about your sexuality and you just want the thoughts to go away so you can feel yourself again but then you’re like but what if they go away and then I turn into what I fear like I don’t want to “turn gay” because I don’t feel comfortable being with the same sex since it feels wrong for me personally not that there’s anything wrong with being gay and you were never homophobic before and you still don’t feel like you are but basically I’ve just always felt attraction to the opposite sex since forever but your thoughts go “okay but you could’ve been faking it the whole time” and yeah that could be a possibility but then you remember when you used to fantasize about the opposite sex either when you were younger or recently and those feelings felt more real than this because now when I look at the same sex all i feel is anxious and uncomfortable and no attraction just really uncomfortable because my thoughts are saying “what if you are attracted to her” with less reaction from me lately and then you’re like that’s ridiculous I can’t just “turn gay” because normally when they go away your true self would remain right logically speaking the reason why I’m doubting myself is because of these thoughts right so then you’re frustrated that they are still there but you aren’t reacting as much to them so that’s like a good sign right but then you’re sad that you still have the thoughts because before this they weren’t even a problem to begin with and you’re sad because since the thoughts are still there it confuses you and you don’t really know if you still feel attraction to the opposite sex anymore because even thought the anxiety is way less than before you still feel anxious and worried and then you get frustrated again bc if you were to encounter a thought like this in the past like “am I gay” you would answer no or dismiss it and then it would fade away and you would go back to doing whatever you were doing because this was never even a question to begin with it was meaningless because it was like asking yourself something so basic about yourself like if you had brown hair “what if I don’t have brown hair?” That’s seemingly a dumb question at least for me it would be and this wasn’t even a big deal for me personally before because I was never “boy crazy” like I never felt the NEED to have a boyfriend and that is a common thing my brain likes to use as fuel for my doubts but I’ve had several crushes and fantasized in the past about men and male celebs but now you feel like you’re stuck even when you’re doing things it feels like you’re being held back and in the end you just feel sad because you really don’t feel yourself and I don’t know if this is just me sorry for the rant needed to get this off my chest lol