When I was younger I remember I used to masturbate to the thought of my sister, or sexualise her. I was around 10 or 11, and I feel terrible about it now... the problem us that my body still reacts to the very mention of sex so now when I get intrusive thoughts about her or another family member I get a groinal reaction and I'm worried it means something more :(

True. I am a lesbian thought so I think that makes me more anxious.

@worryqueen I mean that’s okay, that doesn’t mean anything. Liking children and liking adult women have nothing to do with one another.

@wellwellwell I hope I helped, I know real event ocd can be a huge pain in the ass, I’ve had it too. Do you mind if I ask you a question, I have HOCD

@wellwellwell Thank you, you're right. And yes, as long as you're not seeking reassurance.

@worryqueen I’m going to try not to. I just got married so things are a bit stressful for me bc I’m convinced I’ve married a man when I know I’m gay? basically I get more turned on by naked women in porn, but think about men touching men and having sex with me and get attracted to men I meet. That part probably is reassurance seeking so pay it no mind. Anyway, as someone who is gay, how were you able to settle on an identity? Did it feel natural?

@wellwellwell Lol men touching me my b.

@wellwellwell Well I don't want to say anything about the first part, because it'd be reassurance, but I can say that sexual identity for me was something easy to identify and accept. I knew when I was quite young. It was natural, I'd say. But everyone struggles with their identity, whether they're gay or not. Most people do it because they're curious but the problem for you is that you're scared and the what ifs and the anxiety of ocd are making you question something you've been comfortable with all your life.

@worryqueen That makes sense. I mean in many ways, it’s like your real event ocd. Something so minor haunts you to this day and makes you question who you are , and for me it’s the same thing. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

@wellwellwell Yes, it really is. Uncertainty is really the devil, but we can get through it!

@worryqueen We definitely can, hang in there! I’m rooting for you

@wellwellwell I'm rooting for you too! :)

I haven't done any ERP yet but my therapist wants to start on imaginative exposure! So purposely thinking of the event, not ruminating on it but saying maybe I am or am not a bad person. Maybe I did like it, maybe I didnt etc.

@worryqueen That’s awesome! Mine was about flirting with another man drunk so my erp was to write “i cheated on my husband” “i wanted to cheat” “I’ll cheat again” and that actually really helped. Sometimes writing was easier for me.

@wellwellwell I've never though of writing it down-- I might try that! Did it help you see it from a different perspective, when it was written down and not just in your mind?

@worryqueen Yes, it was like extracting the thoughts from my mind and for a second distancing myself from the ocd. Like there was me, and then there was the thoughts. It felt good

@wellwellwell Wow, I'm glad it's helped you! I hope it has the same effect for me :)