Was with my boyfriend last night and suddenly thought about squeezing boobs, like squeezing his chest like they were breasts. I am equally afraid and feel like I’m turned on by it. Going to try to channel this into ERP

It’s really a libido killer. I wish I could have sex but cover my body so I only saw him and wouldn’t get afraid I was only turned on by me. Sometimes I touch his groin and will be like “you wish it was a vagina!!!” I I

@wellwellwell I’m going crazy

@wellwellwell same!!! this happens to me. i cant even have sex anymore like all i think about is girls! and because of that our sex has lost its spark.

@holley Same here. It’s just anxiety inducing. And I’m terrified I don’t orgasm because he’s a woman. But I know I’m so hyped up and terrified that it’s really hard to relax. I just wish him naked was enough, but I’m not even sure that turns me on? God this sucks. I got better in January and suddenly it’s so much worse

@wellwellwell the thoughts are 24/7. like our sex is so different!!! i hate this

@holley Do you think you get aroused by your SO naked?

@wellwellwell i always question that

@holley I don’t think I do. The first time I saw him naked I felt awkward

@wellwellwell i felt a little awkward too but not that much, see when i first saw him naked the thought wasn’t bothering me so i didn’t really pay attention to how i reacted. i was only able to write “i am lesbian” 34 times because it felt like nothing. like it seemed like a homework assignment nkt a task.

@wellwellwell TBF we just decided to take off our clothes to see the other one naked, it wasn’t during sex or anything. And our first time having sex was awkward too, but it was both of our first time

@holley My other biggest worry is making out. Like I used to not like it with any guys, it just felt flat.

@holley I don’t know if not feeling anything is bad though. I genuinely think your mind is just getting bored of worrying about this

@wellwellwell i liked making out with one other guy i dated, and the only thing i think about when my current bf and i kiss is “this should be girls lips” and stuff

@wellwellwell my mind is for sure fucking tired

@holley Yeah, so maybe it has nothing to do with being gay or not gay, you know? I think we’ve talked before about being turned on by sexualized females, does that still bother you? I think that’s the last piece that my mind cannot let go of.

@wellwellwell yes it’s terrible. i get turned on by that :(

@holley Same here. I can kind of let go of everything else but my biggest fear is I’ll never like sex as much with men and possibly with women even though I’ve never slept with one and the thought of sleeping with one seems so depressing. Do you fear that too? Especially bc I can’t orgasm and my husband’s body alone doesn’t get me off but I know mine does for me.

@wellwellwell i cant orgasm either! i only have a couple of times. it does depress me to think that

@holley I don’t think I want to, but I think that the idea of one day wanting to is pretty disturbing

@wellwellwell whenever i think of sex in detail with a woman my stomach drops and my heart kind of hurts what triggers me even more is the fact that if i tell someone my story and what i’m going through if they say “you’re prob gay” that makes my heart drop and my whole body fills with anxiety and fear

@holley do you want my number or email or something? it seems we are going through a lot of the same things in the same ways and i don’t have a lot of people i can talk to because my story isn’t as similar to a lot of peoples

@holley Yeah that would great! I would love to chat over email

@wellwellwell yay!!!! my email is holleymaeg@gmail.com email me anytime!

@holley Sounds great! I definitely will!