Everyone says “ you are not your thoughts “ but when i had thoughts about being with a boy ... was that not me ¿ everything is so confusing

ah i wish . nothin lights me up

@Jas your libido has probably gone down ever since this, i’m sorry:( i’m slowly getting it back and my attraction to men and it’s actually really exciting. you’ll get there❤️

@markleepleasemarryme i dont know anymore . but yay that’s good for you

@con hi!! well this started around late april/early may. i thought i was questioning my sexuality for the first few weeks because it was really weird. the thing is that i wasn’t interested in being w a woman so i kept thinking to myself ‘if i was truly questioning, i would’ve thought of this by myself, not automatically.’ in those same weeks, i learnt about sexual intrusive thoughts aka hocd. when i saw the symptoms and all of that, i immediately took quizzes to see if it was truly hocd or just me questioning. after many quizzes, i came to the conclusion that i really DONT want to be with a woman romantically/sexually. then i took a hocd quiz to see if i had the possibility of having it and it said that i had a high possibility. that relieved me but something felt off. like a few days before knowing, i asked my mom if thibking that a girl was pretty made me gay. REALLY triggering but she said no. not really sure why i asked that. anyways, i felt weird after asking her that because i never asked her things like that. even though it was clear that i had hocd, i kept having the thoughts. then around late may i told my parents about the thoughts basically saying: ‘i keep having really uncomfortable thoughts, it’s like my mind is telling me that i’m bi/gay meanwhile i have no desire to be with a girl at all. i respect the community but i really don’t see myself like that.’ they understood and then i found out that my dad has harm ocd, ptsd n really bad anxiety. i was like ‘no wonder my mental health is a mess’ but after that, june started and i felt a bit better. i still haven’t received professional help, but i’m slowly getting better by myself. my parents think that the thoughts are gone since i’m becoming my usual self. they’re still there, but i tend not to take tjem as personally as before because I KNOW IM STRAIGHT.. sexuality cannot change that fast and it’s clear from when you’re young. also, i experimented so that’s also something that triggered it but it happened once and i ddint enjoy the experience so.. yeah. like i see myself getting married to the guy of my dreams, having kids with him... it sounds like a dream come true. my attraction has slowly been coming back as well.. it’s just having patience and also pushing yourself to be the best version. i hope you understand this! love ya❤️

@con it’s been really tough but i promise things will get better if you have a good mindset. this is just a bump in the road. we’re still so young so;(