The most uncomfortable thing about this is looking back at my childhood and finding proof that I'm gay. At this point it just seems true and it's hard. I don't get why sometimes I feel ok and other time it feels like my world is exploding

I agree.

@fightonashley I'm afraid that not focusing on it means that I'm in denial

@hateocd123 That’s ocd talking! You know rationally that’s not true

@wellwellwell I dont anymore. Deep down I'm convinced that I find women more attractive.

@hateocd123 Okay take this from someone with HOCD who is turned on by women in erotica - I don’t think deep down I am because why else would I be flailing around crying constantly? Having ocd takes away almost all ability to think “deep down” because we’re way too far in our brains

@wellwellwell I dont want to be gay. I dont know why. I know my dad is slightly homophobic. I have a gay brother who everyone gets along with just fine. We all love him. My parents dont treat him any differently. I dont get it. When I was little I was attracted to boys. Then during puberty I got hocd.

@hateocd123 It either went away or I just repressed it.

@hateocd123 I feel the same way. This all stems for me from the type of erotica I read and what I looked at as a kid. I have always liked boys, fantasized, etc. never even questioned until ocd. I don’t want to be gay either, and luckily we don’t have to be. No one is going to force us to be with women or anything like that. We can live the life we want to live

@wellwellwell I feel forced. I feel like in lying to myself if I'm not with a women. It feels like I'm using my boyfriend.

@hateocd123 I feel the same with my husband. Guilt and fear, even though I remember spending every minute with him, loving touching him, all of it. But ocd doesn’t care. You aren’t using him. You love him. If you didn’t love him this wouldn’t hurt so badly

@hateocd123 hey!! my dad is also slightly homophobic; but respects the lgbt community. when i was in middle school i experimented to see if i liked the idea of being w a girl, i didn’t. it actually felt foreign. i wasn’t comfortable so i decided that it wasn’t it for me. also this was before puberty. then after a year or so puberty happened and i swayed over to boys full time. also, all my crushes had been boys ever since i could remember, except the time about the experimentation happened but it was once, so it ddint mean anything! my hocd started due to the fact that the girl i experimented w came out as a lesbian. i was like ‘am i lesbian if she’s also lesbian?’

@markleepleasemarryme Same here? I was into like weird sex stuff before puberty. Then I hit 13 and only wanted to be around boys

@markleepleasemarryme but now it’s more so ‘am i b*?’ be cause my attraction to guys has been slowly coming back!!

@markleepleasemarryme Ps congrats on getting your attraction back

@wellwellwell !!! THIS HAHAHA omg fr. a year after the experimentation happened i had my first summer fling and HE WAS SO CUTE AND i literally miss him rn

@wellwellwell thank you!! i hope you guys get there as well, i really do

@markleepleasemarryme Lol it’s funny how ocd almost alters memories so I can’t remember all the times I’ve liked boys, only the times I’m afraid mean I like girls

@wellwellwell literally.. it’s annoying. like?? i’ve liked boys all my life. i literally remember my first ever crush and it lasted 4 YEARS!! i was so in love w him ;(

@markleepleasemarryme Oh yeah. Heartbreak over boys not liking me, all of it. Thanks ocd