i want to die. theres no point in me living anymore. why are my thoughts not horrifying me? why do i feel as though i want to be gay? that being straight isn't what i want anymore? why do i feel like im okay with it? i dont want this. im getting to a point where i want to kill myself. i dont want to live anymore. i dont want to live like this again. i hate myself. i dont want any of this. there is no hope for me - for the future. my parents tell me im not trying to get better but every day i try to not end my own life or hurt myself. i almost wrote a suicide note last night, for the third time, 'just in case'. my mother told me if i didn't try and help myself id be living like this for the next seventy years, but i dont want to live for seventy more years. i dont even know if ill make it to the end of this one. ive had enough, i can't take this anymore. i as a person dont want to die, i wanted to live my life to the fullest. but now it feels like theres no hope for me, i just want to make the pain go away. i speak to a therapist but nothings helping me at the moment, maybe it's my mindset. who knows. my parents dont want me on any kind of medication either. can someone give me advice? i dont want to end my life but i feel like it's the only option to stop the pain. ?

im terrified. everyone says to accept the thoughts, but ill accept them and it will happen that im gay. now the thought of being with a BOY doesnt even seem right even though that's all ive wanted my whole life. i genuinely feel like dying is the only way out of this :(

@caz I know that me saying I can relate to everything you just said won’t do much but just know you’re not alone ? there will be better days

@That1girl i hope so :( i just feel like im an unaccepting lesbian. i hate this. my brain tells me it's okay with being lesbian. i dont know who to believe. i dont want any of this. :(

@caz I’m currently there with you? I know how hard it is please don’t give up

i just dont know what to do anymore. it feels like im lesbian and i just have to accept it. i can't even imagine myself with a guy anymore even though that's all I've ever wanted. what's worse is i feel like im OKAY with it. i dont know what to do. i really dont. im not sure ill ever get away from this.

have you recovered?

@caz I am shocked that I have felt the exact same way as you before, I know what you’re feeling and how much it sucks. I hate that there is no way to simply cure it. But the thing that helped me most is just talking about it. Not so much reassurance but just letting people know what’s on my mind why I was being so secluded. I wouldn’t say I’ve recovered but I feel a world of a difference like weights have been lifted. There are still days where I wonder. But each time I do I just say well that’s just an instrusive thought and accept the THOUGHT, because that’s what it is, simply a thought.

@jjrrss im worries that it's more than a thought. im worried it's actually me. when will this end. i feel as though there is no hope for me? i feel like ill never see a time when it'll be better so theres no point in trying :(

@jjrrss How did you handle the sensations? Everytime I see any picture of a woman I get scared that I'm going to get aroused and then it feels like I do.

@hateocd123 Accepted that it’s a thought and that was all. I kept reminding myself you can’t live your life in fear. You know yourself. It’s just a thought. If you were you wouldn’t be so obsessed with trying to prove it. It’s a just a thought. Accept as such a keep going. Trust me I still have days. All the time but NOTHING like I was having.

im trying :( every minute is a struggle. i dont know how to make the pain go away. im not sure it ever will.