When I was a kid I would get physically and emotionally abuse by my sister after school. I'm 20 years just told my mom accidentally and I can tell she doesn't believe me. I'm now realized how much it really affected me. That same little girl who was scared back then is the same voice as my OCD... Its like my brain forgot a lot of the memories that happened during the abuse. But I can tell you the address to the apartment each room were it was . the apartment was like a maze. I can tell you where the kitchen was and how it looked. I remember the kitchen because the front door was there I ran to it a lot but didn't seem to make it. But somehow I keep thinking and feeIing I was just too sensitive and it really wasn't that bad. I'm being over dramatic and I feel guilty and God doesn't want me to talk about it and he's mad at me for mentioning it. I just don't understand. I feel so broken and conflicted...

i’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, i did too and it’s really hard when your mum doesn’t believe you...i can really empathise with that too. with abuse it’s really common to feel the way you are feeling now but i promise you no, you are not too sensitive - if it feels/felt bad, it WAS bad (please try and remember that if you can!) what you are describing is very similar to how i feel but i can promise you now, you are not being dramatic. is there anyone such as a therapist you can talk to about it? it’s really important to be able to address it and talk about it. you have every right to talk about it and you shoukd in no way have to hide it and suppress it. i’m always here if you’d like to talk about it.

God is never mad at you. Period. Full stop. God loves you with his entire ENTIREEE heart. It hurts him to see you in pain, but he only lets you experience the pain because he wants you to run to him. Run to the father! The lies you are hearing are fully from the devil. The devil is having the time of his life when he even enflicts the slightest discomfort into your life.. so to see what he’s done.. to see he’s gotten into your head.. he’s having a mega party!! He’s like “oh heck yeaaa success!!! Woop woop!” DONT LET HIM PARTY!! RUN TO THE FATHER. God can’t get mad at you, and it’s NEVER EVER too late to go to him

I understand that a lot, I have small, precise and clear memories of a lot of my trauma but it's always stuff around the edges like remembering an exact sensation or the way the room looked or the weather, but the actual traumatic content is fuzzy and confusing. It's actually led me to doubt a lot that's happened, AND has made it a lot harder to cope with actual false memory other OCDs which started with a scary idea that something happened but were fuzzy. It's a horrible feeling to not be able to rely on your brain. I've also had the exact EXACT same thoughts that I'm being overdramatic and making it worse than it is and it's my problem to get over, was probably half my fault anyway etc. The guilt is horrible, mine wasn't that God didn't want me to talk about it, it was that I believe the abuser is a nice person and therefore it's a HORRIBLE thing to do to talk about it. I've lived with horrible churning regret for ever talking about it...... Yet that's SO unfair on me. I'm not responsible for making sure their life is good whatsoever, they've sure never shown me that courtesy, but the feeling that you're basically making it up that it was at all bad and you must be a selfish vindictive person is just the worst thing I've ever felt. When somebody accused me of making it up because the abuser 'is such a nice person' it was a whole new trauma in itself, one of the worst things I've ever experienced, it just seemed to confirm all my fears, I felt like the worst person ever even though I knew what had happened because the self doubt and self blame and guilt were so extremely strong. I've actually never really heard anyone else describe the same experience (but I've heard that it's common) so I'm really happy to have read this and you're definitely not alone. Try to hang in there and get trauma therapy ASAP, that's what I really wish I had done a long time ago but I'm only just getting it now and been expressing the exact same stuff with my therapist and it's really painful but I think it will help in the long run. ❤️❤️❤️❤️