Friendly chat for dealing with HOCD! ☺️

ik we talked about how you kind of explored your sexuality but you said you like fell in love with a woman and so do i, can you tell be a bit about that because i’m just blown away that our stories are so similar

@Pure_O_Warrior yes of course it is

@Pure_O_Warrior i’m sorry! and it was an emotional bond, it really wasn’t sexual at all. i wouldn’t call being overly obsessed with her love. love is not: 1. obsession 2. feeling like you absolutely need the person or you’re going to die 3. and being upset when they aren’t around you i wouldn’t call that being in love.

@holley Hey! Sorry for the late reply!! Would you like to know the whole story?

@We Will Prevail? yes!!!! please tell me

@Pure_O_Warrior of course!!!

@Pure_O_Warrior Deep down in your core, do you feel attracted to men in an intimate way?

@holley Okay, so back in 2013 I was in my Senior year of Highschool, I was a big anime fan, so I ran a fan account where I met the girl! She had another account for the other main character and we’d chat about it all the time. Anyway, I was 17 at the time and she was 23 or 24, I followed her on her personal IG and thought omg she’s so pretty. Like I could picture myself in a relationship with her. As we chatted more she confessed she had feelings for me, at this point I had just accepted I’m attracted to girls so I thought that obviously had to be bisexual. I was scared tho because at the same time I didn’t want to be but I didn’t mind the fact that I was. So when I was 18 we started talking more about being in a relationship and we “fell in love.” We’d chat all the time and I could picture hugging her and maybe kissing her. But being intimate with her I couldn’t do. We talked about it but I just could not picture myself actually engaging in the act. I didn’t get the same feeling I did when I thought of a man. But I did love her and we were on and off until I was I believe 21 maybe just turned 22. I did care about her and I still do, you never forget your first love, but it made me realize emotionally I loved her but I couldn’t love her intimately. All around it ended quite toxically. But we can’t change the past we can only learn from it.

@Pure_O_Warrior Does the thought of being gay cause you distress or the thought of actually being intimate with a guy cause you distress?

@We Will Prevail? i think the intimacy and it’s hard because i like lesbian porn! and so do you want to know my story??

@We Will Prevail? i’m worried bc what if i do secretly??

@holley Now you have me worried about whether or not I'm actually in love with my boyfriend because I'm worried when he's not around me and I'm kind of obsessed with him sometimes

@We Will Prevail? I dont think that's a good way to look at it because "deep down" can also get manipulated by OCD

@hateocd123 yes same because my brain is like deep down you’re lesbian

@holley I’d like to know your story as well!

@hateocd123 I meant it more like at your core, like who you knew you were prior to OCD taking hold. Before intrusive thoughts bothered you!

@Pure_O_Warrior If you are questioning whether you are gay and feel distress when it comes to being intimate with a man, I believe that you’re not. I feel that we can admired attributes that we like in the same sex. For example “I like her lips, they’re really pretty and attractive.” Would that mean I’m intimately attracted to her? Not necessarily. You can think people of the same sex are attractive, without wanting to be physical with them!

@We Will Prevail? could i send you an email????