sorry for all the posts on here but I just feel like venting, i just had my first run in with a rude person on here about homophobia and transphobia and honestly I’ve gotten so used to everyone being so friendly that I’ve kind of forgotten about people having views like that aswell. I think it’s really upsetting that no matter how nice someone can be that they can do a complete 180% when topics like those come up :(

I’ve seen so many online posts where people say their SOOCD fears became true. I can’t stop having anxiety over this. And I don’t understand how people are so “supportive” over this? Cause have it been POCD or HARM OCD fears becoming true none of y’all would’ve reacted the same way. - It makes me loose so much hope. How am I supposed to go back to my real old self when I’ve read information like this? It was so comforting knowing that these intrusive thoughts were just OCD, that they were EGO DYSTONIC, that they are unlikely to happen and that erp will fix everything. HELLO? How will I believe this information when I’ve seen people becoming their worst fears (soocd)? I swear I hate this SO much. I just want to love men like I’ve always did. I hate ocd and these people posting shit like that -

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing

someone who doesnt mind heavy topics can i vent to you in the replies im genuinely struggling