I feel guilty for 2 reasons today. My cat, Okie, was biting (not hard) my wrist. I scruffed him so he would let go. Did this a couple of times and I was annoyed. I feel bad for scruffing him. Then I was talking to my son and he was asking 20 questions so my attention span was wavering and I started getting thoughts cause I was a little annoyed. Im now afraid of being annoyed, upset, or angry. It makes me think that maybe I do like these thoughts which then makes me feel worse. Any advice?

They would be as annoyed as me but without the thoughts

@luchalysol I think so, too. They would get annoyed, think something like, “My cat and kid can be so annoying!” and might have a mental image of harming one or the other, think “That was a weird thought,” and move on. You get annoyed, feel maybe the annoyance is a *threat* and maybe it means something, and the thoughts come up and you connect them and think “Me feeling annoyed and having this thought means I want to do it.” You and the non-OCD person experience the same event, but you interpret it differently.

@Alyosha You're right. I normally try to kindof understand the why behind things and ocd uses it against me. I also believe it helps me in a way because Ive always had a fear of being a bad mom. I judge myself for every mistake. So in a effort to also validate those feelings, I believe ocd, and ocd uses that fear against me. The worst of the worst of moms are those who harm their kids, so ocd makes me have these horrible thoughts of being a horrible mother. This shit sucks

@luchalysol I’m not sure OCD helps you not be a bad mom. There are plenty of good moms in the world who don’t have to use OCD to protect their kids. I hope this isn’t too blunt... OCD (intentionally or not) CAN make you a “bad” mom. It can keep you away from your child, which I imagine can be just as harmful to a child as physical abuse. Let me know if that’s too blunt. OCD isn’t helping you at all. And yes, it does suck.

@Alyosha I know. I often think of this. My own mom abandoned my brother and I. That's why I hate this illness. Now that I think of it, it always kindof prevented me from being super close to my son. I hate it cause I don't wanna be away from my son, but my thoughts make me feel it may be better to "protect" him. In my mind, Im hurting him either way. I just wish I could be a normal mom. I want to be present, but these thoughts make it difficult to do it. But Im continuing to try

@luchalysol I’m sorry you had to live through that as a child. I’m sorry that this OCD mess has brought all of its worries and darkness to your motherhood experience. It sounds hard. ❤️ You got this!

@Alyosha Thank you. I also have to admit adjusting to motherhood has been hard for me. My son is about to turn 7, and I also realize a lot of things are also my fault. I feel very guilty about that. I was making a ton of progress recently and boom, this happens. Im working to change those things which are my fault, while working on recovering from this. I do realize it has been the main source of my unhappiness, in an effort to not be the kind of mom that smothers her kids, I became the opposite of that. I do tend to think very black and white in a lot of things, probably why ocd is so prevalent in me I guess, and I gotta work to change that. Thank you! ??