One of my exposure homeworks is to watch comphet videos or read about comphet. But I’m struggling with compulsions. It’s probably the hardest exposure for me since I’ve never been in a relationship and a lot of the things it talks about is women who are reluctant to have relationships or inexperienced women but for me it’s just a relationship was never a huge part of my life. I would often imagine my life with this “perfect guy” I guess when I was younger and I always had a “type” of man I would want to be with. Again my ocd says this is all brainwashing from society. But anyway, how do I go about doing this because I’m really struggling to just sit with the thoughts and try not to analyze what people are saying. Like I tend to “look for clues” to see if anything relates to me or if someone says something that doesn’t relate to me I say almost automatically “oh great that isn’t me then” It’s so hard to stop it. Does anyone else here find comphet triggering? And how do you do response prevention because I’m having a really hard time.

so I should say “I’ll look for clues later” or “let’s check later”

@gaby. Yes, exactly

I took this from Wikipedia “Compulsory heterosexuality is the idea that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced by a patriarchal and heteronormative society. In this theory, heterosexuality is seen as able to be adopted by people regardless of their personal sexual orientation, heterosexuality is viewed as the natural state of both sexes, and deviation is seen as unfavorable.[1] The term was popularized by Adrienne Rich in her 1980 essay titled "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence".

@gaby. Ah yeah that totally sucks. I don’t see what benefit can be gained from reading those. I guess it could make for an exposure but what you need is to stop checking and expose yourself to less threatening material.

@TheBigCahuna There is an answer to what our sexuality is at the moment it’s just our brains are at war to ensure only one outcome is possible. You and I are both wishing to remain as what we identify as, before the onset as OCD. That’s only natural. But I’m finding to get through the process you have to learn to be okay with the possibility that either the fear is true, or that you don’t have to know the answer. We really don’t have to know! BUT, that being said, don’t spend your time wondering if you’re brainwashed. That is textbook OCD.

@TheBigCahuna Thank you for your response!Do you suggest I do some other exposure instead? And yeah that is true too everything you’re saying I’m doing it and it’s gotten a little easier to answer my thoughts with maybe I don’t know but it’s things like this that make it harder

@gaby. Totally. I mean, I watch clips about gay love stories on YouTube. 30-60 minutes and I find random clips. I just watch and do not ruminate. I still get spiked but they go down quicker that way.

Hello yes! I’m doing a lot better than whenever I posted this. The thoughts are still there and that’s annoying but they don’t really scare me it’s more turned into depression now because I want my life back before ocd when I didn’t have to worry about this part of my life. It’s more ocd about having ocd now. But the big part of this is basically just accepting- radical acceptance. That’s what really is helping me just accepting that maybe I will have ocd for the rest of my life and trying to live with that. I do have moments when I’m just wishing I could go back, but I’m still working on that. But I can confidently say that I am slowly but surely recovering I would say I’m about 85% recovered I’m just struggling with completely accepting that this is a part of my life. This is an article I think you should read if you’re also having trouble with that. I wish you lots of luck in your recovery as well! https://beyondocd.org/expert-perspectives/articles/acceptance-and-ocd