Need guidance and help please, I am spiralling. Contamination ocd and covid fear warning: I finally had a visit with my ENT specialist for the first time today after months of gland pain. It was at the hospital which i normally feel okayish with but this was like...on a side with doctors offices, not the main hospital and I feel like they arent as stringent. There were door handles literally everywhere (no automatic doors at all which is customary in the main part of the hospital) and they wouldn't let me wear gloves. Some doors didnt even have hand sanitizer near them so it was impossible to sanitize before or after touching it. I checked in at reception and they let me wait outside because the waiting room was actually over capacity. In the specialist office, I did of course have to remove my mask at times and he had to use tools to look in my nose and mouth which of course is triggering. But the worst one of all was that he stuck a camera through my nose and down into my throat. I clarified with him that it was of course sanitized and he said yes and that he couldnt sanitize it again in front of me (I'm guessing it's a machine). But I saw it touch his pant leg and he had to feed it into my nose with his hands which he had to use to open door handles to go get the contraption in another room!!! I was honestly so petrified that I cant remember much. I cant remember if he changed his gloves between the door handles and feeding the tube into my nose. All I can think is that if there was covid on that thing, it literally delivered the virus RIGHT to where it would make a nice comfy home in the back of my nose (that's where covid lives and replicates). Please, I know I am not supposed to seek reassurance here. I know I now need to trust the medical professionals that it was clean and the procedure was done in a sanitary way. But I cannot stop picture that camera at the back of my nose, covered in covid spikes that latched onto my nasal passage and are replicating. Please please help me. I really try to manage my ocd by saying to myself "cdc guidelines and nothing more" but (and I know this sounds stupid) the cdc says nothing about medical tools or medical mistakes. I'm trying you guys I am, but I'm spiralling.

Contamination OCD

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Hey. You did a thorough job describing your thoughts and emotions. You spotted this as ocd. You reaciout for encouragement. Those are all things to celebrate and be proud of. Have you tried out the SOS tool?

catattak

Date posted: 5y

I did. It helped a bit. I've taken some time to sit with the discomfort but am still confused about what's helpful and what's hurtful. I feel like I need to accept what happened and I might get sick. And part of accepting that would just be getting ready for it. For example, I should pack a hospital stay bag (pyjamas, phone charger, other personal affects). But is that supporting ocd? Or just accepting that what if?

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@catattak I think you're misunderstanding acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean believing or acting as if the thought is accurate. It means letting the thought and emotions be there without judging them or attaching meaning to them

catattak

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Thank you I will work on that

Monk

Date posted: 5y

So I recently had an appointment a couple weeks ago with similar issues. I had to breathe into a machine that others had used before me and the technician didn’t wash her hands before touching sterile parts, I had to have my mask down and she kept removing her mask and speaking to me without being 6’ away. I spiraled for a while after and then I started doing my exercises. Reminding myself the doctors offices are taking this very seriously, they are cleaning more than usual so it’s safer now than before, focusing on what I can control, limiting my time watching about the virus, focusing on positive things like hobbies, games, something I enjoy when the obsessive thoughts start. If it helps, I made it through and am sure you will too. Just keep reminding yourself that your thoughts aren’t reality and practice healthy replacement thinking.

catattak

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so so SO much for sharing your experience. It sounds really similar. I hated having to take my mask down to and be so close but the camera in my nose/throat was hands down the worst part, as I'm sure the breathing machine was for you. Can you share some of your exercises? I'm still doing erp and trying to meditate at night (unsuccessfully). Any other activities would be helpful. I'm scared to be in the same space as my husband since this is airborne. But I can isolate myself without symptoms since that would feed my ocd.

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