Ugh I just saw a tik tok that was like “I always admired women never liked them and now I’m bi” and my anxiety spiked fuck this I was doing so much better

It’s THE worst, tik tok is what triggered me in the first place and i deleted it but my therapist told me to download it again for exposures and I was scrolling through just fine and then this hit me and lowkey I’m spiraling now

@gaby. try to think of it as an exposure even though it’s realy hard haha. try to maintain your posture and not let the anxiety take over:)

@val ʚĭɞ Thanks :) I’m doing a little better as of right now but it’s so frustrating this whole thing

@gaby. it really is, very unnecessary if i do say so myself tbh. like i’ve been dealing w it like normal and can do things that i used to do without being triggered but it’s very tiring ?

@val ʚĭɞ Omg good you sound like you’re making progress. The worst for me though is I’m at the stage where the thoughts are still there but not affecting me as much but I’m struggling not to freak out that they are still there if you know what I mean and I’m trying not to analyze if I have my attraction to men back or not

@gaby. exactly!! let the attraction come naturally. like rn, i’m simping over some guys who play minecraft and there’s one guy that really makes my heart race but the thoughts always come and say ‘what if you’re forcing it?’

@val ʚĭɞ Meeee. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I really like this guy and he’s not stereotypical good looking I guess so I’m nervous I’m forcing it cause we have both liked each other (I think) since 9th grade (going into 12th).

Better meaning that I wasn’t having as many thoughts or anxiety. I was just scrolling through tik tok without many thoughts and I felt okay for once like I was finally myself for a moment and then that one tik tok spiked my anxiety and I feel like I took a step back in my recovery process.

@gaby. It sounds like you were FEELING better. That's different than DOING better. Recovery isn't about not having unpleasant experiences. It's about being an to respond to them effectively. I think the issue here is not that you took a step back today, but that you thought you took a step forward yesterday. Really, you stayed in the same place. You had an ENJOYABLE and PLEASANT day yesterday. However, because you didn't have unpleasant experiences, you didn't have the opportunity to practice the skills that move your forward in recovery

@NOCD Advocate - Katie That does make sense. It’s just yesterday I think I was handling my thoughts way better. I went to a park yesterday and every girl I saw my thoughts would be asking me if I was attracted to her or not but my anxiety was always low so I could focus on the here and now. And it never spiked up like that. And so today when it did it just reminded me that I could easily get that spike of anxiety again and it just frustrated me.

@gaby. The frustration is understandable. I've been in that position too.

@NOCD Advocate - Katie It's like being doused in cold water

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Exactly