Has anyone felt an urge to just let fingers dig into ones own skin after a stressful talk/day/moment with/around someone? I rarely do this but it's about the fifth time in the last two years and it's bad. Maybe it's part of ocd or I have more issues. (I'm okay tho... I'm trying ti be... sorry for causing any stress I truly don't mean to. I just don't know how to tell anyone I personally know about what I'm thinking.)

Also, it’s ok to reach out for help with your feelings.

@Nikki1809 I suffer from trichotilomania, urge of hair pulling since I was 13. I came here because I don't know who else to go to in my social world or in the online world. Thank you for being a friend here, it does help when people do want to listen.

That's really good. I paint and draw. It's sometimes therapeutic. It does help. I try..

@flowla Yeah no problem! I guess in that case do you think this is more of something related to skin picking, or do you think it’s a self harm urge? I’ll be honest I don’t know a whole lot about how trichotilomania is treated but I’m happy to listen.

@flowla Yeah painting and drawing is really helpful.

@Nikki1809 As a whole I believe for me it may be both. It started out as a curiosity> satisfying> but hurtful to the spirit and my mentality. It helped in creating negative thoughts about myself and the self harm part is a stress relief like trich. after a moment of temporary anxiety and repetitive motions of going back to where I feel the most comfortable. I know because I am told by a loved one that isolating is very harmful for myself, but sometimes it makes me better inside because I'm not practicing interacting with people, even though that's what I really want to do but I get intensely stressed out...going out there and being with people. I become a different and insecure person yet I'm the same person. I confuse everyone around me, but alone, I make sense to myself... 🙃

@flowla No what your saying makes a lot of sense to me actually. I have autism and social anxiety and honestly sometimes I just can’t be with people. There’s definitely a difference between self isolating and taking nessisary time to yourself though, you know? And yeah I used to be a self harmer, it’s definitely a stress releif. Unfortunately it’s not a healthy stress releif. But it’s hard to stop without replacing it with something else that relieves stress. Like I said, I draw. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I even scribble on myself. Do you see a professional about any of your mental health problems?

@Nikki1809 I saw a professional about a mental health problem for a total of one month in my whole life. I couldn't financially afford more of that time to have help by a professional. I thought I'd be okay for a while, but now I think I'm a bit far from the "okay-state". For now I can afford my time on here and enjoy it until or even after I do have the money for professionals for help..

@Nikki1809 I love thinking and I love writing down the thoughts I have, most of the time they're good words. Sometime's I choose not to write about my odd thoughts though because I fear someone will read them one day without my permission and that invading of my privacy really scares me... so... The unwanted/or just odd thoughts get bottled up and/or I tell someone in here about it or to someone willing to listen whom I don't know well in person/share to online people where face-to-face isn't required much..

Thank you dearly!

@flowla No problem! :)

@Nikki1809 One day, I'm sharing a fictional story that I've held dear since I was 7. I grew in learning about myself and people and added a couple things about myself onto one or more characters. I have an antagonist who has dark fears and deep dark secrets and she gives into them all the time in her young adult hood. Every thought I experience, and every nightmare I have, I give to her and her personality. It's hers and not mine. That's what makes her own of my most favorite original characters in my stories. She is uniquely herself, and I call her evil. Only all the bad things I feel I let her absorb in a way. So that I no longer feel the pain of having "evil" in me. Though I never act out on any of my bad thoughts, they still scare me half to death. 😓

@flowla Oh I like that. I’m a writer too. :) But I definitely beleive thoughts are not inherently bad.

@Nikki1809 I'm glad, that's really cool! And thoughts, I agree most of the time. It's just.. difficult sometimes yaknow? When I was 10 and 11 I came across things that no kid that age should see or know, and what I learned during the next nearly 7 years was I became an addict. So much I have, turmoil, anxiety, stress, and worries, shame, guilt, bad feelings and nightmares I know sprouted on the day I found the darkness to be real. And as a young adult now, I recognize the light and the happiness there is around me. I feel better, and I have been sober for a couple years now (a couple relapses but still I am better than I was), yet I find the inner-me still struggling to overcome the after consequences of addiction. Disorders, self harm/stress reliefs... I am better than I was, but I'm not yet "good with how I am". I push myself more lately in trying to give into help from others and to ask for help when I'm in need of it. It's very relieving to share how I feel and where I'm going with my inner self, searching for safer-unknowns and sturdier grounds... I want to help others. And helps them know they aren't alone. I thought I was alone. But my, was I so wrong about that! Neither you or I are alone in life. 🙂

@flowla Yeah, these things can feel so isolating and I’m glad you’ve found a way to feel less alone. :) For me having ocd can feel so isolating because there’s no one in my “real life,” who has ocd. My friends and my girlfriend are all super understanding, but they don’t have ocd, you know?

@Nikki1809 Yeah. I know. My family too, tho on one parents side I think they may all have something similar and I don't think anyone notices it but me and my other parent. For my other parent's side, they just have a few physical problems, me too! I am hard of hearing since I was born and neither I or my parents realized it until I was 5, had a hearing check in kindergarten. I'm 80% deaf in my right ear and 20% deaf in my left. I grew up finding out I had severe scoliosis - the curvature of the spine. And I had several knees problems and three times they dislocated as an early teen. Becoming physically inactive from everything so young didn't help with my mental and emotional state. I felt excluded when I was being included in activities. I knew my limits and I wanted to heal. 15, hardest year of my life, and that's when I could afford my first hearing aid! 16, I knew I wanted to become a linguist. Nearly 17 I had spinal surgery and fusion, rods alongside my spine to straighten it. Since then, I have become a better and happier-than-I-was kind of person! My life changed once I could finally "do" things like carry in the jug of milk from the grocery store from the car to tbe fridge, and knee exercises- I can finally run! For the first time in years! I am so thankful for that. Now truly, I am focused on overcoming my other disorders and disabilities. And also focused on Story, helping people and being a friend, tho rn in these times is hard to get back out there And find some comfort in reaching out to people whilst feeling anxious. But trying is better than doing nothing. 🙂

Ah. Yeah that sounds rough. But definitely growing gives perspective sometimes that you don’t have when your younger.