A lot of my OCD is disguised as worrying about real life issues: my job, my relationship (or lack of relationship), dating, my creativity, etc. I have a hard time separating valid concerns from my OCD. The best way I can explain it is take a “normal” worry or something we all have to deal with, but put it on steroids, and then I instantly dive into emotional reasoning and black and white thinking and all sorts of cognitive distortions. A pro/con list or throwing logic at a problem doesn’t work. Does anyone have experience with this? Do you have tips for learning how to differentiate valid concerns from OCD?

Relationship OCD

OCDNO.20

Date posted: 5y

Hi! Just wanted to say I empathize deeply with this! I too struggle with similar issues. I’m in the process of learning tips and tricks to deal with it because it blurs reality. What is my gut instinct? What is my OCD? What is my anxiety? What is normal worry? Where do they all converge? It’s hard to trust my inner voice because it feels distorted by the condition and conflicted. Something simple that has worked for me in moments of high anxiety is asking myself, “does this feel like OCD?” If the answer is yes then I conclude it is. You know the feeling. The inescapable and smothering feeling that makes everything seem uncertain. THAT feeling will pretend it’s a real concern. It’s not! It’s your OCD. Another thing I tell myself in the moment if I’m really struggling is “well, I won’t know right now if this is my ocd or not so I’m gonna figure it out later. If it still bothers you tonight then you get 10 minutes to obsess.” This alleviates my anxiety in the moment to focus on the present, and then I set aside time to obsess. It sounds weird but the structure helps. By the time comes around for me to think about it again, I no longer want to. It might be back the next day or the next hour but I didn’t give it my entire day. Hopefully this helps :)

M.B.

Date posted: 5y

This is really great advice! Thank you so much! Yes I absolutely know what OCD feels like. Those are great reminders and tips! Definitely something I will practice.

OCDNO.20

Date posted: 5y

@M.B. Aw of course! Thanks for being you and having the courage to keep going strong! Remember, ocd thrives on attention. Give it less attention and it has less to feed on. Attach less meaning to thoughts and they have less power! How do you do that? Treat it as seperate of you and not a representation of you. Everyone has thoughts, the problem is when you attach too much meaning. I believe in you because I struggle to and I believe in me! We are good, we are capeable, we are healing. Sending love!

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I find it more helpful to identify OCD behaviors rather than thoughts. After all, the compulsions are the part of the cycle we can control

OCDNO.20

Date posted: 5y

I think the thoughts often trigger the behavior. The thoughts have to be decriminalized in a way, or taken off their throne of power! Ya know? I defer to you as the advocate! I just wanted to convey that the thoughts themselves aren’t representative of character flaws or deeper meaning.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@colleen2.0 I think we are generally getting at the same thing. The thoughts (or emotions or sensations) aren't the problem. The interpretation of the thoughts (emotions, sensations) and the behaviors we respond to them with ate the issue to tackle. This means trying to distinguish between OCD thoughts and not ocd thoughts doesn't usually get us very far

M.B.

Date posted: 5y

I guess where I have a hard time is discerning where to draw the line with behaviors, because so many of them have logical foundations. For example: a discussion with my partner, is this my ROCD? Or is it a healthy conversation to have with someone you’re in a relationship with? Or contemplating quitting my job (bartending, but in a socially distant way) and trying to find a new one. Is it just OCD fueling my fear? Or is it legitimate concern in a pandemic? I’m trying to create a vetting process so I don’t act impulsively on my OCD but in the name of “being responsible”. I’m new to ERP and medication so hopefully more shall be revealed over time and practice.

OCDNO.20

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I agree!

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@M.B. Do you have a therapist to talk this through with in more detail? In general, behaviors that are repetitive or driven by a sense of urgency raise red flags

M.B.

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I do! I just started sessions.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@M.B. I'd definitely bring it up with them :)

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