I get triggered when people discuss how it frustrates them to hear someone say, “That’s sooo OCD.” Then they talk about how OCD is real suffering, and these people don’t know what real suffering is. Another time, a friend asked, “Have you ever struggled with depression?” I said, “I don’t know.” He said, “You’d know if you had.” It makes me feel like suffering is a competition. And that I have to rank a certain percentage in suffering before I’m allowed to express my pain or ask for help or practice self compassion. Maybe nothing is wrong with me. “Suck it up, buttercup.” And all that.

Nickerino

Date posted: 5y

I think there's a lot of truth to what you're saying, in that people often turn suffering into a competition, and it's really sad to see. But when people criticize the people who say "I'm so OCD", it's not because we think they're not really suffering. It's because we feel that they're trivializing a serious illness. As an example, if someone tells me they're depressed, I should take their word for it and I should not challenge them with a stupid statement like "you don't know what real depression is because you haven't experienced a, b and c" On the other hand, if they tell me they're depressed and I tell them "yeah I went to a Starbucks today, and they didn't have any vanilla syrup to put in my latte, so I know what you mean" then I'm being an absolute asshat and need to stfu. That's what people who say "I'm so OCD" are doing. They're trivializing our real suffering. It's not a competition, it's about having someone recognize your suffering for what it really is.

Alyosha

Date posted: 5y

Thanks! I took the name from him. Love Dostoevsky. Has that ever happened to you? Where someone trivialized your suffering because they misused the label? I’ve had the opposite experience—someone trivializing my suffering because I *lacked* a label, or because (in their eyes) I didn’t hurt as badly as they did and so didn’t need care. Anyway. It’s just triggering. I have that in the back of my mind do often: “You don’t have problems. Get over yourself. You’re just looking for excuses to be a bad person.”

Nickerino

Date posted: 5y

I haven't had that happen to me, but it's a really terrible thing to do to someone. It's basically applying a "gatekeeper" attitude with mental illness which can make it more difficult for people with mental illnesses to speak up when they're suffering, and in reality the people who are using the wrong labels are far and few.

Alyosha

Date posted: 5y

@NickC Thanks. Well, I’ll admit, the person who puts me down like that the most often is myself. So. I should work on that. I asked my therapist so many times “Is it ok for me to be here? Do I need to just get over myself?” He told me to stop asking him.

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

While it would be best if people didn't misuse medical terms, I see what you mean about suffering being like a competition oftentimes.

Nickerino

Date posted: 5y

Also, I love your name. Reminds me of Brothers Karamazov.

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