I’ve reached my breaking point!! My resentment towards my mother for her codependent toxic behavior all these years makes me flip out on her over the smallest things. She would fill me with love and buy me things growing up, but it came at a price. She was a controlling perfectionist and she has some OCD traits. Whenever I tried to stray and be an individual she would threaten me with conditional love or money (she enmeshed me and set it up that I relied on her and she takes advantage of the fact that I confess to her with my ocd). She is also a huge gas lighter that will deny anything and everything negative about herself in an effort to make me doubt my reality. This helicopter parenting caused me to rebel over the years and I got myself into trouble and traumas which worsened my mental health. I tell her all the time I wish she was dead and I don’t mean it but my resentment and anger over the years comes out like this. I feel trapped in this house and wish I had enough money to be on my own. I’m a damn adult and I feel like I am not like other people my age because my mom groomed me to be dependent on her. I feel like I’m losing my mind during this pandemic and every little thing my mom does I hate.

I stay away from reddit because it makes my ocd worse since all types of people comment. But sometimes I do like to look. My father is a huge narcissist that gives me the silent treatment and is emotionally abusive. He emotionally abuses my mom so maybe that’s why she’s like this? I read usually two narcissists can’t get along when married so maybe this is the case. I just thought my mom was some kind of codependent and anxious person.

@Anxiousgirl Do you feel like you have some tools to help you become independent?

@elephant1 I am saving up money working from home but I don’t know how much longer I’ll have my job given the job market these days. I’m stuck in the suburbs and usually take the train into the city but getting around here I need a car and my parents sold it when I was living abroad (they thought I wasn’t coming back). My mental health is deteriorating because I’m a temp contract worker with no insurance so I can’t get meds. My mom keeps trying to guilt trip me that she can’t get a job and is stuck with my shit father for money, as if it’s my job to save her. I’m in therapy now but it’s just so hard being around her all the time. When she’s caring and nice I love her but when she gets controlling or toxic I just flip my switch after suffering all these years. Now after the fact she’s like fine do whatever you want, or she will rile me up, and then when I start being in a rage she calms down or acts disturbed to make me look like the crazy one. Then when I confront her about anything she says “leave me alone I’m not doing anything”. If I ever wanna open a bank account or do anything she drives me since I don’t have a car and then says she’s an expert and doesn’t want me to be tricked so she will do everything for me. I had to renew my passport and she filled out the paperwork without me asking her to and she explained the process like it’s rocket science I think to discourage me from trying to do it on my own even though I can. All my life I thought I wasn’t smart enough to do things on my own because my mom made me feel like I needed her for everything. The only reason I made it through college is because I used to buy adderall to concentrate on a major I didn’t even wanna do.

@Anxiousgirl I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m hoping you can find a place to stay that would best suit you while you save up.