- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s very common to think this way. My best friend came from a very emotionally abusive home and had same thoughts. She finally moved out and got help for all the psychological things she has gone through. Don’t give up and believe in yourself!
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm so happy she has someone who validates her experiences, that goes such a long way! Sound like you're a great friend to her! I know how much that is needed!
- Date posted
- 4y
My girlfriend lives with a mother who I would consider emotionally abusive. I see her making excuses for her mom all the time. I know lots of people who’ve been through trauma and every single one of them will tell you what they went through “wasn’t that bad.” I think we just live in a society where we’re taught to invalidate our traumas and our emotional wellbeing. I’m glad you’ll be moving out though, that sounds like a good step to take.
- Date posted
- 4y
I think making excuses can even be like a defense mechanism, maybe? Like you downplay your experience because it can be really hard to admit to yourself that what you're going through is truly trauma
- Date posted
- 4y
@AMP2 Yeah, I guess making excuses isn’t quite right, it’s more like downplaying her trauma. But yeah I can see that. There’s such a stigma attached to trauma in society. I think sometimes she maybe doesn’t want to worry me too, like she tells me it’s ok cuz she’s used to it. I usually tell her she shouldn’t have to be used to it.
- Date posted
- 4y
@AMP2 My therapist has this theory for me and honestly I can't tell whether it's true or not, she says that's why I've blamed myself for my choices and not being assertive when I've faced abuse and failed to let myself hold other people accountable. Years ago I actually *did* successfully access a lot of that anger but I lashed out because of it and now it feels dangerous to let myself. It usually just makes me feel guilty when I try to be balanced because it's like I'm doing something wrong and hurtful and not appreciating the good in people. So not feeling it is definitely some kind of self protective thing to avoid painful emotions and admitting how bad it is, but I think the reasons can be more complicated than just not wanting to admit to yourself that you've been seriously hurt by people.
- Date posted
- 4y
I think I just pm-ed you on Instagram, I hope it's you 😂! If so, I'll reach there in a little more depth!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yep. My instinct has always been to downplay and avoid getting angry and assertive, I just usually make excuses for people and talk about how they're better now? My ex, my mother etc. And it took me forever to get up the strength to leave my ex for the same reason- like I'd be being unfair and judgmental by even letting myself notice that everything was wrong let alone doing something about it. Like instant self shaming. I've been working on it, I know it's down to C-PTSD and codependency issues, and self worth where I don't feel like I have the right to be mad or upset at however I'm treated because I'm not a good person. -_-
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
A lot of my problems are tied to massive instances of childhood abuse, especially emotional/psychological abuse where I was flat out being told that I was ugly, unlovable, worthless, lazy, etc. I don't really believe those specific things, but I think I feel those emotions stronger than other people because of the fact that I wanted to prove that those things were lies. Like when someone I'm dating loses interest, I go from 0 to 100 in my emotions. I also convince myself that my childhood wasn't actually that bad and I'm being overdramatic and I feel silly talking about it. Yet, at the same time, I want people to recognize my struggles and feel like I'm sophocating from holding it all in. Being lazy probably hits the hardest, because I never feel like I'm doing enough and I'm so exhausted and unmotivated but I tell myself I'm making excuses. I can be so unmotivated and depressed that I don't shower for a couple weeks and there is trash on my floor and even if I'm genuinely embarrassed by people seeing that...I just can't do it. But even typing this I feel dumb for asking for validation in that instead of doing something productive with my time.
- Date posted
- 16w
My mom will sit and listen to me for quite a while, but she interrupts a lot and gets angry/upset. While I appreciate her passion, it's often stressful. Every time I come to her, if I even *mention* OCD, she gets frustrated and says, "Everyone deals with these issues, you know. It doesn't mean it's OCD." And I repeat, "I'm not saying my issues are unique — I'm saying the way I respond to them is a problem." But she just shakes her head and says, "Okay, I need to get back to my day." Full context, I'm an adult, and I live with my boyfriend, but I'm staying at my mom's for the next month. After living away from home for years, I went back to living with her during the pandemic, and I only recently left to live with him. Honestly, I think living with her for so long in my adulthood really messed with me and made me feel like a teenager all over again. I feel like my mental growth is stunted, and that's part of why my OCD is so bad lately. Not blaming, just noticing. She doesn't seem to understand how relieving the OCD diagnosis has been for me, because it explains so so so many things I've struggled with for years, and it's exciting to have more resources that can help me. But I think she sees it as me finding an excuse to *not* work on myself, which is just untrue. I'm not going to let OCD hold me back or use it as an excuse, but I'm also not going to pretend it's not a problem when I know it is — I was even diagnosed through NOCD. The whole point being to fix it, not use it as a crutch. When I have an issue, it's unbearable. Any issue, big or small, feels just the same. I feel a sinking feeling, my mind races, my heart beats out of my chest. I end up running to my support systems, crying, ruminating for days on end. Then, months later, the same exact issue can feel like nothing anymore, because it's no longer an obsession. I'm sure everyone deals with issues in a similar way, but I *know* there is something specific and debilitating going on with me. This is reassurance seeking, but in the face of being told I'm making a big deal out of nothing, can someone diagnosed with OCD tell me if they relate to the specific intensity of these feelings??
- Date posted
- 15w
Hi I’ve never posted before but I need to talk with other people that have this too because it’s hard to explain to other people without ocd. I was in a relationship for awhile and we started dating before either of us knew I had ocd. Anyway I have a really bad episode of it that led me to go get on medication and got into therapy. My ocd can have some really taboo themes and thoughts which I have learned is just what comes with the illness. The problem though is when I was really struggling one of my compulsions was confessing and reassurance seeking specifically to the guy I was dating because I trusted him. We both knew at this point that I had ocd and it affected many parts of our relationship particularly our intimacy which he made me feel bad about. He started calling me crazy, just joking, but still. Eventually I start feeling better and we start being intimate again and the day after he breaks up with me. About a month later after I hear he went on a date with another girl (we live together) he tells me he couldn’t be intimate with me because of my intrusive thoughts. We still live together with 2 other roommates so I still see him everyday. We try to be cordial with each other. I still have my moments though I’m still dealing with my ocd and a breakup seemingly caused by it and I cry a lot. Some months go by and he’s dating this other girl and I end up making out with one of my other roommates. I have no idea if my ex knew but the next day when it was only me in the house he starts screaming “THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS” and starts slamming shit. I tell my roommate about this and he and I are both kind of scared of him. He started acting really cold to us after. Then the night before my graduation my two roommates moved out so it’s just me and my ex in the house. In the middle of the night he comes downstairs and in front of my door calls me a horrible name relating to my intrusive thoughts. I open the door and say fuck you and he says you took my fucking friends. I said I didn’t take shit from you and he says yeah and goes upstairs and screams BINGO for some reason. He did it in the middle of the night when we were alone and I had no one to talk to or go to. He blames me because a lot of our friends sided with me in the breakup because they knew what I was going through. He had told me that I could never speak if my intrusive thoughts to anyone including my therapist (I did don’t worry) but he had made me feel so ashamed more than I was already. Also the next day he left a mess for me to clean up since I was the last one to move out. I’m coming to terms with the fact that on top of this awful experience with ocd that I may have been emotionally abused as well.
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