- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It’s very common to think this way. My best friend came from a very emotionally abusive home and had same thoughts. She finally moved out and got help for all the psychological things she has gone through. Don’t give up and believe in yourself!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm so happy she has someone who validates her experiences, that goes such a long way! Sound like you're a great friend to her! I know how much that is needed!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
My girlfriend lives with a mother who I would consider emotionally abusive. I see her making excuses for her mom all the time. I know lots of people who’ve been through trauma and every single one of them will tell you what they went through “wasn’t that bad.” I think we just live in a society where we’re taught to invalidate our traumas and our emotional wellbeing. I’m glad you’ll be moving out though, that sounds like a good step to take.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think making excuses can even be like a defense mechanism, maybe? Like you downplay your experience because it can be really hard to admit to yourself that what you're going through is truly trauma
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@AMP2 Yeah, I guess making excuses isn’t quite right, it’s more like downplaying her trauma. But yeah I can see that. There’s such a stigma attached to trauma in society. I think sometimes she maybe doesn’t want to worry me too, like she tells me it’s ok cuz she’s used to it. I usually tell her she shouldn’t have to be used to it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@AMP2 My therapist has this theory for me and honestly I can't tell whether it's true or not, she says that's why I've blamed myself for my choices and not being assertive when I've faced abuse and failed to let myself hold other people accountable. Years ago I actually *did* successfully access a lot of that anger but I lashed out because of it and now it feels dangerous to let myself. It usually just makes me feel guilty when I try to be balanced because it's like I'm doing something wrong and hurtful and not appreciating the good in people. So not feeling it is definitely some kind of self protective thing to avoid painful emotions and admitting how bad it is, but I think the reasons can be more complicated than just not wanting to admit to yourself that you've been seriously hurt by people.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think I just pm-ed you on Instagram, I hope it's you 😂! If so, I'll reach there in a little more depth!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yep. My instinct has always been to downplay and avoid getting angry and assertive, I just usually make excuses for people and talk about how they're better now? My ex, my mother etc. And it took me forever to get up the strength to leave my ex for the same reason- like I'd be being unfair and judgmental by even letting myself notice that everything was wrong let alone doing something about it. Like instant self shaming. I've been working on it, I know it's down to C-PTSD and codependency issues, and self worth where I don't feel like I have the right to be mad or upset at however I'm treated because I'm not a good person. -_-
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w ago
That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
- Date posted
- 13w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
i’ve been dealing with this “thing” since i was 15. (i’m 23 now) if i have a bad memory that i have done when i was really young or just an intrusive thought i feel like i need to tell my mom or boyfriend. it’s been on and off ever since but since January hit it’s been an everyday thing about the littlest things. mostly about my relationship. an example is i was talking to someone random at my job and we were talking about taxes and when im in deep thought or just thinking i do a thing where i bite my lip (not in the sexual way) and i had a thought when it happened “was that sexual?” and i felt like i did something wrong and i went for a while thinking that until i told my boyfriend about it. or like my ex’s face has popped up in my head in the most inappropriate times and i feel the need that i have to tell him. (my ex was not a good person) i feel like im a prisoner in my head everyday, trying to justify thoughts or remind myself that its just a thought. i didnt know that this was or could be a form of ocd. it runs in my family but i’ve just never considered it being this. i always called it anxiety or depression but i always felt like it is more than that.
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