- Username
- danielle.lf
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes definitely. Sometimes we don’t get those butterflies because we’re extremely guarded. But it can be built and butterflies can come later. Just live each day with the intention of being happy with your partner and it will come naturally :)
I’m about to start dating this really good guy and I’m scared I only like him platonically and not romantically. It’s not the same as what you are dealing with but similar. I feel such shame from it because I want to date him but I don’t feel the butterflies in my stomach and all those things that people talk about. He’s probably the greatest guy I’ve ever known but I can’t shake this fear?
Well you know... you don’t need butterflies to know that you love somebody I have met a girl who also has rocd and she has been dating this guy for a long time. She didn’t have a honeymoon phase I have also been afraid of only loving him platonically But you know what? I simply tell myself I CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM PHYSICALLY, I CHOOSE TO TOUCHE HIM! If I truly would NOT want to! Then I would NOT BE DOING IT. That’s acceptance! And you yourself say that you WANT to date him. If you look logically at it... there is nothing that forbids you to do so. You have a choice! Excuse my English ?
Thank you! That helps a lot
I relate to this - I sometimes think i take my boyfriend for granted - asking him for help, advice, love, reassurance. Then I focus in on his “negative traits” and worry that I’m just selfish and needy. But you’re right, I wouldn’t be in a relationship if I didn’t want to, as I NEVER thought anyone was this great before. And, he consistently tells me I’m kind and thoughtful and amazing - so I guess we have to go with reality not what’s in our heads?
You*
My therapist said to be that she wasn’t sure if I have ROCD on my call to her yesterday and now I feel really anxious! I love my boyfriend I desperately want things to work out between us but my obsession is I worry that I’m not attracted to him like the spark is missing. The more I get to know him the closer I feel to him and I adore him. No he’s not my usual type and I think In the beginning this held me back getting close to him as I had a very strict idea of what I wanted and I would always discount anyone who fit didn’t fit that type without getting to know them (shallow yes)! But with him I’ve fallen in love with non superficial things but this past idea of ‘type’ is stopping me from being completely vulnerable as I think I’ve conditioned myself to believe it’s wrong as it isn’t the person I imagined myself being with in my head. Like if things are going well I tell myself ‘ don’t fool yourself you’re only going to hurt him in the long run cause he’s not your type deep down.’ I worry about what other people will think , like I worry about people making negative comments about him and I hate that I care about that. I’ve always cared what other people think of me too much and now I’ve projected this onto my boyfriend. In the past I’ve never properly loved someone as I always selfishly picked someone who I thought looked good next to me kind of thing , I haven’t had many serious relationships where I’ve shown my true self it’s been all about flirting and proving to myself that I was good enough to be with that person to be honest. With my boyfriend it’s so different we know each other so well we have so much in common and I just need some advice now :(
This guy I’m speaking to has a view and opinion that I can’t agree with, irs one I really really dislike and I made it very apparent. But am I to dislike him because of a view he has? He as a person he’s a lovely guy, but it’s just this one view that I’ve even had an argument about it with him, and it’s the only thing keeping me from being able to see myself with him because of it. I don’t want to hate someone for their options, even though it’s an incredibly old fashioned and backwards view, it doesn’t show anything on me dose it? Like it’s not my opinion, its not what I think it’s him. I try and forget about it when I’m talking to him but it’s now sitting with me. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a bad person for liking him, I don’t like his view and it strains my opinion on him a little, but it’s one against loads of other things. Idk I’m just worried
Do any of you also have this feeling that you don’t love your partner and you are with them for the wrong reasons ? It feels very real. But I want to love him so it makes me sad. Is it still part of ROCD or does it mean that my feelings are a sign that my fear is true (that I really don’t truly live my partner). We have been together for three years pretty much. We have been in long distance relationship since this September and have been trying to fix our relationship for a year after a break up (due to my constant doubts and feeling that I don’t truly love him). I was so excited to visit him like a child before Christmas, now that I’m with him I realise that I don’t feel the way I thought I would: I don’t feel intense love and excitement and it sometimes even feel strange. I don’t feel much and I’m hoping it’s just because I need to get used to be around him again but sometimes I even feel suddenly that I’m with him just out of convenience such as staying out of fear of changing my routine. I do feel a bit of that for sure because I’m so used to have him around me and for me that without him my life would feel very strange and empty. But I want to love him so bad because like everyone I want to be in a relationship but also because it is a good relationship, he is nice with me, caring, I love to cuddle with him, we experienced a lot together, he changed me (in a good way), he motivated me to become a better person more motivated, he gives me confidence and I like to make him proud, when he spends time with friends or family I feel a bit sad because I wished I was experiencing what he is doing with him, I’m attracted to him and I’m obsessed with his smell, the way he cuddles me make me feel relaxed. Moreover he is a driven person, loyal, mature I imagine a successful future with him. Please help me I’m so scared to be in denial and to not actually love him because when we started dating it was kinda right time right place because I wasn’t attracted to him but he was nice with me and I wanted to have a boyfriend and I hoped I’d fall in love with time. I don’t want to start all over again with someone else and when we went through breaks I often compared others to him (e.g.: he dresses better, he is more interesting…etc (my bf that is)). I want to stop doubting and just love him and we cant continue together for years with doubts all the time … help
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond