As I said before My new thought is about not loving him for the person he is, but for the way he treats me. Only liking his hugs and love ... it worries me. I want to love him for the person he is. Im worried about just using him to make me feel better... He would NEVER deserve to be treaten that way :( Anyone that can relate or tell about what the did about that thought?

I keep feeling bad that I didn’t find my partner that cute at first. I didn’t think he was unattractive but when I first met him it was at work and him and this other guy were new. I thought the other guy was more attractive at the time. I even vocalized it to a friend. NOW my boyfriend is my whole world and I think he’s the most handsome man ever. Even more handsome than the guy I originally thought was cute. I don’t have a problem with his appearance or anything. I just feel guilty over not finding him more attractive than the other guy. It feels wrong and of course my thoughts are saying I should tell him this but I know it’ll just hurt his feelings.

I’m not saying any of this to be rude or hateful in any way!! Basically, I like this guy and I really love him, but, everytime I look at this one photo of him, I keep noticing he looks unflattering and it makes me worry, because I’m scared what if he’s ugly? And why does that even matter? Why can’t I just love him in peace without having to check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly? Like that sounds really rude and disrespectful and it hurts even more to know that he’s self conscious and I would NEVER want to hurt him so I don’t tell him I check his photo to make sure he’s not ugly, I get anxious when I notice/feel that he is unattractive/unflattering, so I check till I feel certain that I don’t think he’s ugly, why do I even do this? Why does it matter? Why does my brain make it difficult to even look at a photo without worrying, can I be normal? I say “I think he’s cute/I love him” to his photo and my brain is like “nope cuz he’s unattractive” then I get worried and for what??? I ask myself why do I care and I genuinely don’t know

I was in this game with this person and I noticed his voice was deep, and his avatar looked attractive to me?? and my brain was like “his voice is so??? And his avatar kinda fine too” like omg, shut up, I’m not taken yet but I still want to be in this relationship with this other guy, I feel like there’s nothing I can do and I’ll always be a cheater, I don’t even know how I feel, like do I actually want to cheat??? And it freaks me out because I don’t even know how I feel? Because sometimes I’ll get a feeling that agrees with it, like I’ll have that feeling that wants me to date them and then I’ll hear something like “yeah I would” / “yeah I agree with that” ,, now I feel like I’ll be a cheater and I’m really scared, I would NEVER cheat, nor would I trade this boy for anything, but I can’t do it. I just need to know what to do.