I feel like I always have to have something to compulsively think about and obsess over. I’ll go two days with being happy, hopeful, then my brain is like “you always need something to obsess over.” So my new thought is my sexuality. I’ve 100% always known I liked guys, but starting a little over a year ago, I felt attracted to a few girls. But I always thought sexually I wasn’t. And it’s also not that many girls, just a select bunch versus a lot of guys I like. And I got over it. But then I saw a girl in my class who i thought was attractive (ever since I met her last year) and it triggered an obsession, wondering if I’m bisexual. I’m in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, I genuinely want to be with him, he’s amazing, we have the same values, and he’s great with my ocd. But my new obsessive thought is what if I never get to see if i actually like girls cause I’m with him for a long time. BUT I want to be with him and I want to be with him for a long time. A few days ago, we hung out a lot and we were having fun, I was so happy with him without this thought at all. And now it popped up and it’s destroying me and I don’t know how to cope. (Sorry if this is long. This is my first post).

Sexual Orientation OCD

willgetbetter

Date posted: 4y

I hear you. I always loved and obsessed over boys. And now it's like how can I continue to like boys if girls are an option though sexually I don't want to do anything with them. I fear it's going to ruin the chances of me finding a husband. My therapist says I have obsessive thinking and create fantasies as a form of escapism (I agree) but still anxiety is gone but thought is there. For first time in my life (I'm 29) I am genuinely confused.

NT24

Date posted: 4y

How do you not let it overrule your life? I am so happy with my boyfriend, and want to be with him, but literally every second I’m questioning my sexuality and can’t live my life. What tools or tactics does your therapist tell you to use?

willgetbetter

Date posted: 4y

Sorry for late response. It's the first thing I think about morning and night. My heart tells me date a girl you'll be happier. But the irony is I can't picture myself getting physical with a girl, that's how I know it's just a fantasy and longing to be loved. I need to love myself and bring myself down to reality. And tell myself this is just a fantasy. I have strong values and how I want to raise my family and this isn't it. So I just got to keep reminding myself , and telling myself that Gd has a bigger plan.

NT24

Date posted: 4y

I couldn’t picture myself getting physical with a girl either but now I feel like I’m “brainwashing myself” telling myself “maybe I can.” My problem is I can’t deal with uncertainty. I am happy with my boyfriend, but I can’t deal with knowing concrete if I like girls too or not. And somehow I have to learn how to live with uncertainty, but I literally can’t.

willgetbetter

Date posted: 4y

@NT24 For a decade since I was 19 I wanted a husband now my OCD is saying but maybe you'll like a wife! I'm religious and I can't picture bringing a woman to temple with me and then hooking up with her. But I think it stems from a fear of I'm turning 30 and still don't have a husband let me try and control the situation. To counter that I'm practicing self love and focusing on what I know I want deep down, and viewing this as just a distraction. But this is the hardest battle I ever fought!

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