Freaking out because I feel like I can be such a toxic person in my head. Like I think some mean mean things that I’m incredibly ashamed of, and have a lot of aggression towards things. Mostly friends. It’s all internal and I really don’t let it show in my actions. I am caring to them all because they don’t deserve anything less. I just feel like a fraud for thinking the things I do and then acting kind. I do care for them I just also have some awful brain noise.

Thanks for your reply! That’s very helpful. When why and what. If I get an urge to post (compulsively), what do I do to stop that? I feel so anxious until I do it.

@garden It's counterintuitive, but the best thing to do is NOT try to stop the urge or the anxiety. We want to let the thoughts, emotions, and urges rise and fall naturally, like surfing a wave (admittedly sometimes the wave feels like a tsunami). If you want to use the app in those moments, the SOS tool might be a better choice In general, the forums will help you most if you use them to ask for advice https://www.instagram.com/p/CDAeFKOjAY9/?igshid=21r6lt0ca3ry , build motivation by talking about costs of continuing compulsion and benefits of facing your fears, practicing acceptance statements https://www.instagram.com/p/B9UloISgMW3/?igshid=subsfxotd9ip , and celebrating successes (any time you resist a compulsion) and reflecting on them https://www.instagram.com/p/B9PukYoAliu/?igshid=8uownl02mzvf

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Thank you so much

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I just posted something but worded it in a better way (like the first link explains).

@garden I saw! So proud of you ☺️

Thank you, I’ll check it out in the morning (I’m going to bed now). I appreciate that :)

@garden It helped me a ton, trust me.

Well I often spiral about my thoughts and past and stuff. Anything bad causes an alarm to go off and so I freak out and come on here. Feeling sympathy and empathy is when I’m most happy (though also sad since they can be woeful). God I’m just so tired of it. Why can’t I be good?

@garden Perhaps the way you're using the community forum is feeding the OCD cycle. It worries me that you're posting only when you're freaking out. If you want, we can talk about more effective ways to use the forum that will help you heal

@NOCD Advocate - Katie That would be great. And I know I’m doing all the wrong things... constantly seeking reassurance, checking, comparing etc. I just get so paralysed by fear. It feels like all my worries are true sometimes and so I blurt it out in a post. I find exposures really hard which I guess is the whole point! But still. I sometimes feel like I’ll never get over this fear if I keep picking out signs of truth in me and my personality. It’s easier to get reassured than to accept them.