Can someone with ROCD (relationship OCD) tell me how they deal with it? My boyfriend and I have been rocky on and off, but I still love him and want to work through our differences together. I think things like well there is someone better out there for me, what if I’m just staying in it because it’s comfortable, etc. I’ve had these thoughts for a while now and they are hard to navigate because they are valid reasonings as to why we might not work out, but then there are valid reasons as to why we could work out HELP ME PLZ

I struggle with this too. My therapist has suggested this book to me called Mindfulness and OCD by Herschfield. Taking time for myself, and taking baths helps me. Also remember that sharing the obsessions with your boyfriend can actually backfire because it can be a compulsion by looking for reassurance.

Sure! "I don't love him. What if there is someone better for me? What if I just don't want to be alone? I'm not attracted to him. I'm attracted to someone else." So many more, lol...

Sometimes I have obsessive thoughts where I'm scared I will punch him (I think this is related to Harm OCD). It helps to remind me when it gets really bad that I won't feel this way forever. OCD comes and goes. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this too. What I'm trying to work on is mindfulness. Because a lot of OCD is not staying in the present!

So here's one tip that I've been practicing. When your OCD and anxiety gets really bad, do the "5 things." Note five things you can see, five things you can hear, five things you can smell." This will help bringg you back to the present. Really think about each thing you notice. It doesn't cure things instantly and my therapist says you have to keep practicing but it is a mindfulness technique. Also diaphragmic breathing, you can look it up.

I'm just starting OCD therapy so I'm really new to it all. But I'm so sorry you're going through this and I am here for you!

I can add more mindfulness tips I learn in this thread as I come along them too!

There's this cool part in the book about the "myth of the one" and it was really enlightening. Just that everything we do is taking a chance and I think the more we practice mindfulness and are present, then it will be easier to read our true feelings! Which is exciting!

But don't be ashamed of your thoughts and feelings. When you do feel love and affection for your partner, cherish that. And when you have obsessions and doubts, don't be hard on yourself. And ask you're BF if he'd be interested in learning about ROCD. Mine was hesitant at first but it really helped him understand a little better.

I'm not a professional but I hope I helped a little!

I understand that. Here's a good excerpt from the book that might help: "A person with obsessional fears that a relationship won't last may appear to others to be seeking a way out of that relationship. To the contrary, the incessant mental review of the situation is designed to generate a feeling that will allow you to stay with the person you love! So the mindfulness challenge is not only to view your own thoughts and feelings as simply passing by, but also to accept the thoughts and feelings you may have about being misunderstood by others...The goal is to allow yourself to experience these feelings, not to make sure they are fitting into the boxes where you think they should go."

I don't think it's necessarily true that you just find "the one" and "you just know." I think relationships are all different and you learn from each one, at least the ones I have been in. It's hard to make the decision to stay or leave - whether the relationship is happy and healthy or unhappy and unhealthy - OCD can make it 10 times harder to figure out what to do.

Another bit of info that helps me: "Unfortunately, the lack of knowledge about the less visible symptoms of ROCD often leads to misdiagnosis. Well-intentioned family members, friends, and therapists often suggest that “maybe you’re just not that into him”. We are all conditioned by the media to focus on the honeymoon stage of a relationship – the fireworks and drug-like hunger described in love songs, romance novels, and Hollywood happy endings. When faced with a real person, full of flaws and humanity, it can be difficult to let go of the dream of true and perfect love long enough to see the good thing standing right in front of us."

"Clients frequently ask what the difference is between an OCD thought and a genuinely incompatible relationship. They wonder: ”How do I know this is really ROCD, and not just the real truth about what I feel?” This is a difficult question, because compatibility is an entirely personal concept as well as a total toss-up. Everyone has a friend or relative in a relationship that looked perfect only to see a break-up occur just months later. Likewise, we all know people who seem completely wrong for each other at first glance, but somehow end up happily married for decades."

Ultimately, there is no way to know with 100% certainty whether a relationship is “right” or “wrong”, just as we cannot guarantee (however morbidly) that we will even wake up tomorrow morning, or that our children will be safe even when we are not there to supervise them. Life is full of risks, and the decision to be in a committed partnership carries with it the possibility of both success and failure. In ROCD, the problem lies not in the partner, but rather in the need to know, with 100% certainty, that one’s partner is “the one."