Can someone with sexual orientation ocd explain a little to me? I know what it is but my confusion is like... What's wrong with the possibility of being gay? What's scary about it? I'm someone who's ok dating both men and women and seeing people on here being terrified of the possibility kind of hurts? Some people even seem to get arousal responses, and I'm so confused as to why they have to fight it??

Yeah. The fear is being afraid of being something that doesn't align with your true desires or self perception.

@ｆｅｎｎａ Thanks!! ❤❤

@CR You're welcome!

"Personally, I ended up crying when me, as a heterosexual female, can no longer be with men if I were to suddenly “turn” or “realise” that I am bisexual or lesbian. Because I desperately want to be with men, and I love being with men, it feels natural and it feels right for me. Losing that opportunity to be together with men and having to be with women, feels forced and not something I would want, which causes me to be upset and depressed. Even if I were bisexual, it wouldn’t stop me from being with men because it’s still attraction towards both sexes. But it seems like my HOCD is stopping me from being with men altogether." THIS made so much more sense now, omg thank you so much!!!

@CR You're welcome! It's not my thread, I'm a lesbian wirh SO-OCD, but she has put it down perfectly.

@CR HOCD also often intersects with ROCD... I am actually not that scared of possibly being bisexual or sexually fluid, but probably my OCD comes up with the anxiety of me being a lesbian because that would mean that my relationship with my boyfriend with whom I have been with over a decade HAS to be a lie and cannot go on. He is like my other half so the thought of losing him feels like being ripped apart and literally losing the ground under my feet. When my anxiety of being gay is doing better I often get intrusive thoughts about him not loving me enough or being repulsed by me and that causes the same anxious feeling and need for reassurance like the gay thoughts ... I think the fear of losing him is the core of my anxiety so OCD comes up with possibilities for why this could become true and throws everything at me that cannot be guaranteed... does that make sense somehow? It really has nothing to do with homophobia (although I understand why it could appear so and that is also why I feel so ashamed and guilty bc being homophobic is the last thing I want to be) but much more with the fear of losing what is most important to you: your identity, your sense of self and the people that are most important to you..

@reliablereader That makes incredible sense, absolutely! I'm so sorry you deal with that, that's just awful torture.

THIS POST^^ I couldn’t explain it better myself. Before SO-OCD hit me I’ve had random thoughts once in a blue moon about being gay and I never paid them any mind because like this post says it doesn’t make sense since it’s something I don’t identify with. So I would brush it off like oh well that’s not true oh well and never think of it again until now. But because I reacted so badly to the one thought that one time the thought keeps appearing. So yes it’s not about being gay it’s about losing your entire identity essentially or it feels that way. Because it’s like forcing something that you don’t resonate with upon you.

@gaby. And sometimes I would get thoughts like “you’re secretly homophobic” when I genuinely don’t find anything wrong with being gay like I said I’ve had random thoughts about this topic rarely but they never bothered me. I just never needed certainty. And now it’s like why am I so worried about being into a woman one day what does this say about me and that’s where the guilt comes in for me sometimes.

@gaby. Glad you can relate! It such a weird disorder and makes you second guess every feeling you experience... when I first found out about different OCD-Themes I thought, oh well my obsession about sexuality is not as bad as some other themes, at least I am not plagued by thoughts of hurting anybody ...but once I heard someone say that when it comes to OCD the theme doesn't really matter, the feeling of anxiety, doubt and the need of certainty feels pretty much the same or everyone with OCD, whether their theme is sexuality, harm or contamination. It is the thinking pattern that is the problem not the thought itself..

@CR And to add onto groinal responses, research shows that not only can anxiety produce a response down there, but people can get aroused to anything and it has little to nothing to do with their sexual orientation. So imagine someone with SO-OCD getting “aroused” to their unpreferred sex during an anxiety episode. It’s really scary and provides “proof” that they’re “lying” about theirselves which isn’t the case, most of the time (we gotta keep the ERP up for the SO-OCD/ HOCD folks 😉)

@Esosa D: Wow I had no idea about that!! That makes it even worse!

@reliablereader I agree. Sometimes I’m like ugh I wish I had contamination ocd but it’s literally all the same it’s all ocd the theme doesn’t even matter even though they seem like they really do. But to put it in perspective I’ve had random intrusive thoughts since my ocd onset about being a pedophile and a narcissist and they felt pretty much the exact same as my HOCD but they didn’t last long only like maybe an hour. It’s all anxiety/fear!

@reliablereader Hi! I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. I’m constantly afraid that I need to leave him to “explore my sexuality” or open our relationship which also makes me cry and panic. I would think an actual bi sexual person that wants to explore, would be happy about that but I’m not. It makes me cry and panic. I just want to be with him. Do you ever have these thoughts?

@swill321 That's seeking reassurance, sorry bud.

@ｆｅｎｎａ Oh okay sorry :(