So I am recovering from HOCD and I am not really anxious. I am coping with what OCD is throwing at me. So I wanted to watch some porn yesterday and I have never watched lesbian porn as I think I don’t like it. I am more into a bit hard porn, like threesome with two man and a woman or submissive ones. But yesterday I thought I’s watch two females and a male. I just thought to see how I was going to react and my HOCD again made me wonder. Like one of the girls had some big breasts and I really think big breast are arousing to look at and when the other girl was licking them I felt like I liked it. So my OCD was like you want to lick her breasts coz you’re a lesbian not because you want to have big breasts. So it kept throwing at me questions all the time even today. I am trying my best not to do any compulsions or analyze as I know that’s what OCD wants me to do. I don’t know how do you guys cope with this? Does your OCD make you wonder all the time if you want to be with the girl or be the girl?! It’s so confusing sometimes.

Oh yeah, ocd does that sometimes to me when i watch straight porn. My ocd is telling me that i could maybe like to be the girl and so i could like doing it with the guy. Usually it doesn't last long, i just tell my ocd to fuck off but i do a bit of erp too. I expose myself to the doubt by saying to myself that right now my senses are telling me that i wouln't like to have sex with a man, but there's still a very very low possibility that it could happen in the future, i don't know when. Just be careful when watching porn because it could transform into a compulsion. It took me time to realise that but when i had a big fight with my ocd without or with compulsions, i would go watch porn just to change my mind. But what i was doing is reassuring myself that i was still straight and i know this because when i refrain from watching porn, my ocd anxiety just get worst. Maybe it's not your case but just be careful of the time you decide to watch porn. If it coincides with an ocd attack or close to one, it could be a compulsion.

Hey thanks for the reply. Yeah I know that porn might make it worse. Also is very difficult, especially because they say that women tend to get turned on by anything sexual. So yeah you can question yourself a lot. I don’t think I am using it as a compulsion, but anything could be. It’s difficult to understand if it’s natural or just to stop the doubt. I find it difficult to say that I might get aroused by ‘female-female’ sexual acts and still say I’m straight. But I know that’s what OCD wants me to do...

Yeah thank a lot for that. I know it’s very hard to explain and understand. And OCD triggers us to give it meaning.