So I was at work, and I kept practicing disregarding/accepting the intrusive thoughts which we too many (some of them messed up) but I managed to hold on. I went for a bike ride after though, and everything came flooding back. Mostly, its because the loss of attraction. If I see any girl and I feel nothing (even if she not my type) I get scared that "it's all real and it's over, f-you J!" I'm so sad that I've had to battle this for as long as I have. 10 years of this and its stronger than ever. I've never been diagnosed and I gotta wait 13 long days til my first therapy session. This doesn't feel like my life. I'm in hell.

I understand. I'm a girl and I'm going through this but opposite. I wanna end up with a guy ! I've actually been able to have a bf for a bit before we broke up(other reasons) and it went away completely, But slowly it came back once we broke up and it utterly crushed me. The first time I even had it was because I was thinking as to why I wasn't having any dates and it got worse. Now it's back , but I don't get anxiety.

No don't say that. Remember, God always has your back no matter what. I get you though, my thoughts have been getting to me as well.

It's understandable. But hey! We'll get through with this !

@Someone shut up my brain I hope so. Sometimes I lose hope. I will say this, I'm not gonna stay in bed in the morning. I'm gonna go out and do a few things. I'm gonna visit me favorite video game shop and my gym opens up tomorrow (before this particular bout I was going to the gym regularly and despite my difficulties and intrusive thoughts I was functioning although I should've practiced not doing avoidance).

@jbm421 Haha , me too. I used to be able to enjoy putting on makeup and perhaps attract the attention to a guy. Now it feels like a chore and I feel numb most of the time. It's even worse now since we have to wear the masks out since I can't see people's faces all that well.

And it involves the gym, fml...

@jbm421 Just remember to take deep breaths and tell yourself that you're not your thoughts. I try to distract myself by watching something on tv when my mind is plaguing me and I don't have anyone to call.

Yeah I get you. But sometime it's best to y'know , not overthink about it sometimes. Just let it be. I often have trouble with this , which leads me into a spiral into what ifs. But then I try my best to tune it out with in my opinion calming ( if I get too anxious my gastritis starts to act up and I start throwing up). Or as weird as it sounds( me an 18 year old) I go and hug my parents or my younger brother

@Someone shut up my brain Or , I sometimes take care of children and it reminds me of my thoughts of wanting to be a mother in the future.