Question in sharing the bed and contamination OCD I started sleeping apart from my husband in March and April when he had presumptive covid. I've had such huge fears since then that I did not move back into the master bedroom until LAST WEEK (end of July) Thing is, as much as a separate bed was giving into my contamination OCD, I actually love it for other reasons. Firstly, my husband has really scary night terrors multiple times a week (down from multiple times a night before seeing a sleep specialist). While sleeping he gets up in a big huff and starts yelling and swearing and fighting something from his nightmare off. Twice he has involved me and one of those times he actually tried to strangle me and I couldnt get away (luckily I was sleeping face down). He has physically hurt me in these episodes but has no recollection because it happens while hes sleeping. Secondly, the spare bedroom is all of my furniture from my parents home. It's my bed, my dresser, my guitars, my memories. It's so comforting and I LOVE sleeping in a bed all to myself. Last night he had THREE night terrors, one of which he even pulled his c-pap machine off the night stand and it came crashing down on his head. They are so startling and scary and I'm honestly fucking exhausted today which is worse for my anxiety. I'm a ball of nerves today and just want MY bed. Thing is sleeping in a separate room also feeds my OCD. I start to refrain from touching or being near my husband, because I want to keep my room totally contamination free, and I do it subconsciously too. I felt like moving back in to the master was a big step in my healing. But holy hell I could really use a good nights sleep. Sleep is one place I can get away from my anxiety, but surprise surprise, my husband acts out his oddly frequent nightmares and now sleep isnt an escape either. I'm exhausted and scared and anxious and good lord. Someone help. Is it really all that bad if I go back into my spare bedroom?

You do! Except I made the mistake of saying end of July. I meant end of August. So this is my second week back in the room. I spoke with him this morning about it and he said he likes having me in the room. Thing is I also go up there at 10 pm and he says he'll be up shortly but doesnt come in till 1 am because he plays video games after I go to bed. So I'm like "you like me in the room? But what do you get out of it between 1 am and 7:30 when I get up for work?" So really I fell asleep after 1 when he came in last night and then got treated to the lovely experience of three night terrors. Oy vey.

@catattak Gotcha! You want: Uninterrupted sleep Keep OCD in check Meaningful before-sleep time w/husband *if* you stay in the bedroom Husband wants: Your nearby presence Are there any solutions where y’all could meet in the middle?

@Alyosha I've been thinking about just joining him on weekends and getting my lush me time during the week. I'm afraid it's a slippery slope to just staying in the spare room though. Which again, to me sounds fantastic (which is why its slippery, I love that bedroom). But I want to be supportive for him and also get the sense there is a stigma around sleeping in separate rooms (that I clearly dont understand because I think it's awesome haha)

@catattak Haha!! I’m not married, but am a light sleeper. I’ve wondered if I could handle sleeping in the same bed with someone, or if every move and sound would wake me up. (Currently sleep deprived this morning because my sister’s alarm woke me up sooner than I intended. She’s in the next room over and I sleep with foam earplugs. Still wakes me up.) A few thoughts: 1) you & your hubby know what OCD looks like. You can both keep an eye out for avoidance behaviors in your part if you’re worried sleeping separately will make you slip 2) this is *your* marriage, not everybody else’s. You and your hubby need to do what is best for each of you, and who cares what society thinks. My two cents lol

@Alyosha Thank you for talking this out with me! I'm a light sleeper too and you get used to it. If it weren't for the night terrors, I dont think I'd be trying to move out. I can sense the master bedroom makes me anxious germ wise. I hate touching the shared doorknob and light switch, I feel like the sheets are grimey (physically i feel that even though it's not true). We also have a portable air conditioner that I feel breeds bacteria and just blows germs all around the room. The room provides so much ERP that I was handling well and I think was helping me improve. It's just these damn night terrors that add to my overall stress and anxiety.

@catattak Wow. That sounds very triggering, lol. Well hey—you can still touch the switches and doorknobs, lie in the sheets, and sit in front of the gross AC. Do that 15min every night before you go to your room, and you’ll still get some great ERP in lol.

@Alyosha Ooohhh that's even worse because I will have to bring those germs to my sacred safe bed.....hmmmmm

@catattak Haha! Right?? Maybe start small. Touch light switches, then go to the Sacred Room w/o washing?

@Alyosha I think I could maybe go into the master after work for a bit then not wash and sit in it for a bit then work up to going straight from the master to the spare.

Yes! He has sleep apnea which actually causes his terrors. He used to have them multiple times every night before he got his cpap machine! Last night when he had one he pulled the whole machine crashing down on his head. Ugh. So much sleep disturbance and honestly it terrifies me too. I just think I also gain valuable ERP from sleeping in the same room as him. So I need to determine if I value ERP or relaxation and sleep more.

Something I will have to explore for sure I think. Right now we sit on opposite ends of the couch at night. May need to cozy up before bed and the depart to my beloved double bed all to myself