So having a bad night tonight. Its such an emotional day, my partners sister got the all clear from cancer today so we were in a good mood,. Or so I thought.. I opened a bottle of champagne and I cooked a really nice steak dinner but before we ate my partner was outside and she went to the bin then I noticed she didn't wash her hands and she went straight to the shed and started touching a load of stuff so I came out behind her and wiped everything down, she got angry at me and threw the tools doen and said can you please not do that. I guess she was angry because I didn't trust her to wipe everything down after she washed her hands. The thing is I know she wouldn't have and it would of done my head in. So I woukd of had to go out after her and do it anyway which would have annoyed her ultimately. So, the mood on the house is very heavy. She is trying to talk as normal but I am in my own head and quite upset, I can't bring myself to be jovial now as 1. I'm embarressed about my ocd and 2. I don't think I was wrong in expecting her to wash her hands after being out at the trash where lots of poeple touch everyday before she touched other things. I'm just pissed off to be honest pissed off at my ocd and pissed off because I don't really think asking her to wash her hands after being at the bin is a big ask. I know coming out after her and antibacing everying maybe was a ocd but I think it was justified. I feel like. The best option would of been ride it out until she had finished and then hid the fact that I was wiping everything down. I just can't trust her to be as clean Concious as me.

I'm so glad you get what I'm saying I really am. That's the thing she got angry and threw the tools down and said we wouldn't be touching tjsie things in days but she is in and out of the shed every day and before this we were talking about how she was going to hang gutairs etc in the next couple of days so I know we would be touching the shed tomorrow. I think it boiled down to the fact that she couldn't be bothered. That's scares me as if she can't be bothered to wash her hands after touching the bins then what else does or won't she do. I know I'm a way that's ocd dictating my thoughts but there is reality there too. I feel quite low tonight now and can't shake my funk which I know will make things difficult between my partner and I but I just can't shake it all. I want to do is go to bed but if I do she will think I'm in a mood. Which I am!! But I can't win. Just wish she would say yes you were right o shoukd of just washed my hands. Instead of saying my behaviour is over the top and it's bizzare. I guess coming out behind her and washing everything sown maybe was but I couldn't of settled until I did it. If the fear was totally irrational it would of been easier but this damn virus has me wrecked. I think ultimately I'm clearly to open with my compulsions at the minute. To trusting that she will ultimately understand. I need to go back into hiding again I think and just say nothing and deal with this myself or its going to wreck our relationship. I really just want to crawl into bed and not talkmfor the rest of the night.

@Rosie38 I'm so sorry Rosie. It sounds like you guys are really not on the same page with the virus. My husband pushes me at times but will reason with me when I'm panicking. I'm so sorry she's getting frustrated. I dont know if this is right or not, but please don't put your ocd in hiding. In my experience it makes it worse and made my husband miss a lot.of cues that I was going nuts. He doesnt see a big change in me because I was sneaking around washing and sanitizing. He didnt know how much I was truly suffering in my head and it made me resentful that he thought my life was so easy and he could just do all these triggering things and I'd have to adjust. He understand now that I have a hierarchy and a while ago when he did something at the top of my hierarchy I wound up locking myself away because I was too scared to come out. ERP is good, but being overwhelmed can push you back and that's what sneaking makes room for - the opportunity for people to miss the signals that you're on the edge and then overwhelm you. Do you have a hierarchy at all? Mine is verrrrry basic because I dont know much about it. Maybe use the tools in this app to create your hierarchy and the sit with her and hash it out. Explain you are trying really hard to get better and you need to progress in stages.

@catattak Thank you I really appreciate your help and kind words. I really do. I'm so sorry you are going through this aswell. I don't have a heirachy as of yet. I was working on a heirachy for something else and then the contamination ocd went through the roof. That's the difficulty to I don't even know where to start with a heirarchy for this as it's something new everyday! Like this evening. It takes me by surprise. I thought it was well established and a reasonable thing that we wash our hands once after touching bins or anything like that outside before touchimg anything else and that that wasn't an unreasonable request and she just ignored it because she couldn't be bothered. Then turned round and said she was going to wipe everything down afterward (which I know is not true) and just because she does something differently to me doesn't make it wrong etc etc and that I was hovering and her being in the sehd had nothing to do with me. Which is true in a way but still so frustrating. I'm angry as I don't think what I wanted her to do was unreasonable but yet she cracked up. Aw I dunno. My period started tiday and maybe that's contributing to my bad mood aswell. She is more supportive than alot of people would be. I'm being too hard on her most likely but it's just so damn hard with this. Virus to. Know what is ocd. Behaviour and. What's not. I just.want to say to you aswell, well done. For handling this so well for you to. Have just realised.you have ocd. And. For. Reaching. Out. And helping others. In. The. Middle of it. I'm. So sorry about all. The full. Stops. There. Is. Something wrong with the screen on my. Phone

@Rosie38 Aww well thank YOU for your kind words :) I really do not believe it was unreasonable for you to ask and that's not my ocd talking. Cdc guidelines would suggest it too. I also had to crack up at your explaining that she changed her tune and said she was going to wipe down after. Not funny in the moment but my husband does it too. As if he were thinking about it EVEN MORE than me and I just dont know him. Hes very bad for touching his face all the time and I do believe its what got him sick the first time in March/april. It was either to do with masks, or he was playing with his beard in the car on the way home. So I am CONSTANTLY telling him to stop touching his damn face. Trouble with me is I already had him get sick with presumptive covid back when tests were only for the elderly. And it THREW me for a loop. It's why I'm as bonkers as I am right now without a doubt. But so anyway I nag him about face and beard touching. And he goes "I KNOW. I was gonna go wash my hands and face" Chyeah....okay buddy...because face washing is a normal activity mid day just randomly.... Again not funny in the moment, but once the anxiety is gone it's ridiculous they think we'd believe it. Anyway. I dont think you were wrong for that ask. Maybe she realized it after it was too late and didnt like being called out. What I usually do is say "okay, sorry, I dont know what you're up to. Please go ahead and sanitize. I'm trusting you" and then I have to trust he sanitized appropriately. But he is also a stickler for rules and I know he will follow what the ottle says.

@catattak You really are great the way you word things, you made me smile in the middle of my funk. That's exactly it, she's is the.tyoe.of person who rarely says sorry and never admits when she is wrong and she absolutely didn't like being caught on or called out. That's what really gets my goat too as we are always pointing out my faults but she's is 'completely faultless'. I'm trying to think of some witty analogy but can't quite get there lol. Just grates on me and winds me up no end. Taking ocd.oyt of the equation even. I guess I have to trust her just and mind my own ocd business but it is super hard and I'm sorry you are struggling too with all this. Its really good to be able to vent on here and have someone as kind and understanding to talk to. I'm. So sorry your husband got sick with this thing I'm sure you were terrified and no wonder it triggerd ocd in you. I can't imagine what that would be like.. I lost my mum and dad last year, not through covid and I think I'm so terrified of losing anyone else.. Also I'm immunosuppressed also and we were shielding for 4 months so I've.just started going out and about which has spiked this I think as I was happy enough in my cocoon at home and now with.going out I'm introducing risk. But then I have to Live my life I can't be a hermit...... As much as I'd love to be on an idyllic island just me myself and I sometimes. I. Just hate so. Much that this is creeping into my home life and has the.potential to ruin everything I have. I guess that's the ocd catastrophising. Damn it this all happened about 5 hours ago and all. I can think about is that I missed bits when I was wiping down the shed as I. Was so nervous because my partner was cross. P. S. Laughed at 'chyeah buddy' 😊 it's laughable at times how they think you are that dumb you believe when they say they are gonna do those 'not normal' things as if they were normal and they are way more concious about cleaning than we are 🙄...... Maybe I should rethink careers as an infection control prefessional, as I see cross contamination everywhere. P. S. My partner is a total stoner aswell so she cross contaminates everywhere because she forgets what she is doing. Come to think about it, being a stoner you would think she would be more chill and not get cross at me lol

@Rosie38 Oh and yeah, she's only after sayinh she only touched the bin with her thumb, yeah, OK, like that's going to make me think it's not everywhere in the shed now. I know I'm being too hard on her, it's not fair but it's tough when you get in a funk and a bad mood. Any tips on how to get out of it? 😬😬😬

@Rosie38 I am so incredibly sorry you lost your parents last year. I think that I'd actually my biggest fear up there with being on a ventilator with Covid. My mom had a cancer scare a couple of years ago and I totally lost it. I was 100% not ready to deal with my parents mortality and all of a sudden had to face it might be the case. It wasnt cancer and she was fine but those months of tests and not knowing knocked the daylights out of me. This january my dad was diagnosed with COPD which is a combination of emphysema and chronic bronchitis and he still smokes. When COVID came along I was like "that's it. It's over. This is what kills my dad" and again I'm facing his mortality. I am very lucky they are both still with us. I dont think anyone will ever, ever be ready to face the death of their parents and I can see why you are so scared right now. I can just imagine your mind is like "I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN". You are incredibly brave for going out and about. I'm not doing it yet. But I also have a biopsy coming up and a bit if a cancer scare going on right now so I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I am so proud of you for going out and keeping away from rituals and compulsions as much as you are. You are clearly a very strong person and you will get through this one experience at a time. I totally see where you are coming from and am sending you strength :)

I'm from Northern Ireland 😊 yesterday was OK but I didn't go out much yesteday 😬😬 having a bad day today. Same as before my partner was outside and just doped her hands in soap and water for like a second and them was touching all over everything. Driving me mad all I want to do its wipe everything down but she inisits I can't as there is nothing to worry about. Really anxious right now and all I want to do is get home to wipe everything down. I know if I do when.i get home though it will cause an argument. 😖😖😖 My head is fried and I can't concentrate to even have a normal conversation. Every muscle in my body is tense. Sorry for the rant again. The anxiety I'm feeling at the minute feels like I will never get over this or get back to normal. But it seems to help when I get all this out as I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this. As you say day by day we will keep plugging away at this thing and we will get there. Its So so tough. Don't feel too bad for not planning on going out too much in the autumn, you have alot going on at the minute and just pick your battles. Autumn is for snuggling indoors and eating snacks anyway..

@Rosie38 Oh man sorry to hear! If you want to chat about these things in a messenger type app, you can find me on instagram with the same handle I use here. As for the minimal handwashing I get that. My husband does the same. He has a habit of just wetting his hands regularly because they're dry (rather than using moisturizer because he's a man?? I dont know the logic behind it TBH haha) and even before than pandemic it drove me nuts because taps are dirty. Like dont touch the tap, dampen your hands, then go around with wet dirty hands touching stuff. Anyway, because he is a stickler for rules I have convinced him that anytime you get to a tap, just do the 20 seconds the cdc says. Will your partner listen to that? It's really just standard hygiene practice. Does she at least do 20 seconds when she comes in from public?

That's it, I get so caught up on freaking out and so far we have been ok even though she doesn't do exactly what's right by the government's standards even. It's tough as I can tell she's having a hard time dealing with me at the minute which makes me feel like shit which then makes my ocd worse.

@Rosie38 P. S. I requested catattak there I hope it's you lol

@Rosie38 Truthfully as much as you are butting heads, you do actually compliment eachother. She's really grounded and gives you perspective that it's not all doom and gloom and end of the world. You provide reminders of health guidelines. It sounds tough to deal with but it also sounds like you are a well rounded and stronger team because of those differences :) And remember that communication can help a lot. It's really easy to fall into the rut of just staying silent around one another and resenting eachother. And it can be really hard to be the one to gently and warmly say "can we have a chat about how we're doing right now?". But it's important to do anyway.

@Rosie38 That's me :)