I had an epiphany Maybe even a breakthrough So lately i’ve been stressed out about this time years ago before i even knew about OCD, i had a gross intrusive thought, i thought about it for a few seconds, decided it wasn’t true, and went about my day...ya know the way emotionally healthy people deal with that Anyway lately my brain has been trying to convincing me that BECAUSE i had that thought and just let it go, and DIDN’T ruminate, freakout and avoid that situation for the rest of the day that somehow i was complacent or i secretly liked it So the epiphany i had was that my brain is ruminating on these things because it feels like If i don’t PUNISH myself for these intrusive thoughts (that aren’t my fault) Then i am guilty of some kind of moral failure. So i guess that getting better scares me Not sure how to deal with that though

That’s some deep shit Scoggy, i’ve never heard it like that. I guess i feel like punishing yourself for being bad or just having bad thoughts is what makes you good? Like its hard to wrap my mind around forgiving myself for anything, i honestly dont think i ever have

@Slayingtheocdragon I don't think there is any realistic existence of the supposed divide between good and bad people. Everybody has both good and 'bad thoughts' and everybody does good and bad things, there's literally no such thing as a perfect person- and that means that everybody in the world has stuff they could spend all day feeling awful or scared about, and we have to get up and try anyway. A big part of life is trying to maximise the good we do and minimise the bad, so if we ruminate all day about our flaws instead, that takes away all our opportunities to do good things. Unfortunately, society tries to instill in us that there's a divide between good and bad and we better be good- everything from twitter, to the criminal justice system, to movies. Most people never really question it, they avoid thinking about their mistakes and flaws and put their energy into shaming strangers for theirs instead, to try to feel better. I got better at being kind to myself when I started imagining that people I care about were feeling the ways I do and worrying and feeling awful about the same things, and beating themselves up about mistakes and selfish thoughts or actions. It made it really clear to me that I would think they deserve to feel better and safe and be supported, and I would never repeat all those horrible criticisms and nightmare scenarios to them that I say to myself. I'd want them to maximise the happiness in their life, and feel resilient about dealing with it if anything goes wrong. It's much easier to forgive other people and see them as a whole individuals when we know them well enough to have seen all the good in them. We don't need or expect those people to be perfect. Well I can guarantee that you and everybody else in the world has good in them that can be easily seen through getting to know them. I wouldn't want you to beat yourself up for having a 'bad thought' even if it HAD been 'on purpose'. There are no more expectations on you than there are on any of the rest of us: do your best to treat other people well and respect societal/legal rules, as much as you can. Even the penal system usually doesn't punish people forever, and it still provides people with human company, basic necessities, recreational activities, communication and in some cases education. They don't put you in a room with a person who berates you 24/7 for the rest of your life, is it really reasonable to do that to yourself?

@Scoggy ****any realistic evidence