I took off my sheets and found a dried up brown bug skeleton and I want to just die. My brain 🧠 is telling me what it is and my heart is telling me I could be wrong. I’m so tired of suffering. I have no friends, no support system. I’m just a broken scared human

You could take this triggering situation and a perfect opportunity to PRACTISE ERP. The word practise in particular, not to feel that it must go great. For example, if your usual compulsions would be to jump in the shower, scrub yourself for 20 minutes. Then wash your sheets twice. Start to Google 'I found a bug in my sheets'. And start looking for other bugs ariund your room. You can see that although they might seem that they would help lower the distress, it actually increases all areas of distress, leading to one big snowball effect. I wonder if there are any other ways to soothe yourself other than the OCD compulsions? For example, refraining from doing the compulsions (some ideas of examples above). Instead : put your sheets in the wash. Don't check your room. Don't Google things. This will feel sooooo hard and upsetting. But prehaps in 20 or 30 minutes or 1 hour later, the overall anxiety will have naturally decreased. It's not to say during this time: 'Okay I'm not doing the compulsions so I MUST feel okay and better after this. Oh no I'm not feeling better, that means I'm doing it wrong. I'm so so stupid and messed up for not even doing ERP right." No that's not it. It DOES feel horrible. But we are just at thus stage looking to soothe yourself in any other way OTHER than the OCD

I really understand how you feel, but you are cared for and you are seen. You are not alone

You're harsh with yourself. I'd say you're someone who's smart enough to try to get rid of his or her issues. And that means a lot on you. But your story's complicated though 🤔 can you express your feeling in a better understanding way ?

I’m not particularly afraid of bugs. Yes, some bugs freak me out when they get inside and I am not ok with them. However my not being afraid is because I worked at it and created a plan for when to take action, and calmly reminding myself of that plan let’s me follow it. Said plan: I will try to leave the bug alone under certain circumstances. Some bugs need to be removed from the house. If I can’t just get them out unharmed, those ones get killed. If a bug repeatedly comes at me, even after I try to scare it away, I put on my bravery shoe and kill it. If said bug wanders near my undies or bras drying on the racks or set out for the next day, I kill it. And lastly if said bug goes to my bed, I try not to, or at least not let it be seen, freak out a bit and kill it. That’s because beds and clothing is where we feel vulnerable. So it makes sense to be upset; that bug broke the rule. But while I understand not wanting to directly touch it, removing it from the bed, maybe brushing the bed off, and sleeping in it is an excellent FU to your OCD. Because that bug is dead. It can’t hurt you at that point. Your OCD may want to run with it, and will probably try to, but if possible, fight it. Sending you strength so you can learn that you are not broken, or if you were, that you can be fixed, that you can make friends and support systems, and to know you have us here for friendship and support and because we understand it all because we suffer too. 💜