I took off my sheets and found a dried up brown bug skeleton and I want to just die. My brain 🧠 is telling me what it is and my heart is telling me I could be wrong. I’m so tired of suffering. I have no friends, no support system. I’m just a broken scared human

I was home for a couple of weeks with my family and two days ago my sister found small blood stains in her bed in a separate room. Our exterminator came and looked hard. he did not find any bugs or other signs in her room or in mine. Despite this, he did believe that the stains were from bedbugs and treated her room. there were no visible signs of bed bugs other than a couple of blood stains on her bedsheets. Nobody has seen any bugs or gotten bit…. Yet. The exterminator said Its fine for me to go home normally, but if I’m worried to wash my clothes when I get home tonight. Our dryer is not very hot and given my previous trauma with bedbugs I am in a state of complete panic. I am no stranger to these as when I was in high school my dorm building had them. This dominated my every thought. I’d shake my clothes whenever i took them off, obsessively checking, feeling itchy/things crawling on me without existing avoid people in “that” part of the dorm and obsessing constantly. I never had them but it dominated my life for a long time. Now its back. I am freaking out. I had to pack my bag and leave that day. I got home, bagged the clothes i was wearing, put everything in the basement, took a shower then washed and dried all of my clothes. In my two days home, i barely slept the first night and today was better but im not doing anything tonight and im ruminating/obsessing heavily. Checking everything i can, feel itchy/something is crawling on me. It’s all i think about and given how long it can take for bbs to appear after introduction, I fear it will be until I have something more extreme/pressing to fixate on.

I want to crawl out of my own skin I don't know why God put me on this earth I don't know why my brain is broken Im a lost cause and I don't know why I haven't ended it

My ocd has been at an extreme all time high the past 2 weeks and I am in dire need of some relief. I’m not sleeping right anymore. for context: I live in the south and found a springtail on my sheets about 2 weeks ago. This was like 2 days before our bug guy came and sprayed (it’s a normal maintenance thing here) so it’s a common bug down here and I’ve found them all over different areas of the house before. Finding it in my bed sent me on a bit of a spiral bc I started to doubt if it even was a springtail and that i was wrong and that it was a bed bug, not trusting my brain. It was a bad, sleepless night and carried over continuing feelings. Typical ocd stuff. Well two days later, I’m a nurse and I had a patient that actually had bed bugs. This wasn’t the first day they were here and I did not see any myself but it still freaked me out. There had one 2 founds after visitors came the day before. Of course I wore PPE in the room (coveralls shoe covers and hair net) going in and took everything off before exiting the room. When I came home I stripped in my garage and bagged everything down to my shoes. Threw everything in the wash and did multiple cycles. There were no other steps I could take but I still had a terrible night. Hours of ruminating and going back and forth about tracing my tracks, thinking of new ways I could’ve taken one home with me. Just checking everything. I was already on a spiral from the springtail. Having two such back to back triggering events for me so closely related has made me deteriorate significantly. I was already doing bad with my normal OCD and starting therapy here. I obsess over the thought of having bedbugs constantly and haven’t been able to sleep. I am constantly checking my bed while in it and can’t settle down. My bed is heavy too and I keep hurting myself lifting my mattress to check. But I need to check. I’ve become obsessed. I check everything and go down Reddit rabbit holes looking for new things. And of course, I talk myself into it every time. I can’t take it anymore, it’s bleeding off into other parts of my life like friendship and marriage because I am so high anxiety right now. I need relief so bad. I’ve never felt this unstable to be honest. I feel like even someone without ocd would be really struggling with this topic, nevermind me, with ocd to a point where I just started treatment. These aren’t even my normal intrusive thoughts and compulsive acts. It’s just taken on a life in the last week and I can’t find any sign that it’s going to slow down. when I think rationally I know I did everything right to prevent but I can’t shake it. 💔